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Slowly, he turns back to face me. “So you know?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about her and the baby? I would have—” That night long ago flashes through my mind. Darren even said, “We can stay in Mom’s spare room.” The word caught my attention, but I chalked it up to an alcohol-induced error. “You did. I didn’t give you a chance.”
Darren’s silence is my answer.
“I’m sorry, Darren.” Guilt makes my voice rasp. An apology isn’t enough. The truth might be. “I should have done ... everything different. Including believing you when you told me you didn’t steal from Mom or the Inn.”
Darren turns his gaze back to me. “If I were you, I’d be my first suspect too.”
“Turns out, it was Terry. Lacey admitted that too. He’d been falsifying records and payments for a while.”
The corners of his mouth turn down. “I’m guessing that means he won’t be available to help Mom.”
I shake my head.
“And you’re still leaving?”
“Mom will be okay. She’s already hired a great staff, and Mike will be there. I’ll call more and do what I can from LA.”
Darren regards me with a withering expression, and in his silence I feel like I’ve shrunk to half my size.
“So I heard you’re doing well?” I want to pull back the words the moment they’re out. I don’t want to be the kind of brother that has to hear from someone else that his only sibling is doing well. Obviously, though, I am.
“‘Well’ is relative.” The tone of his voice shifts, grows thoughtful.
“What’s that mean?”
“You and I aren’t all that different. We both have a strong flight instinct. The difference is your flight is actual flight and mine is morelike getting so messed up I forget where and what I was running from. But with Lacey and the baby—I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want to run anymore. I want to be the guy who starts a memorial garden and actually finishes it. I want to be the guy who shows up. A dad like we had.”
It feels like an olive branch, and I venture a seat on the corner of the bed closest to the door. “You will be. I know you.”
His answering shrug feels like a surrender.
I sigh. “Why do we do that, anyway? The flight instead of fight.”
Darren shakes his head. “We haven’t gotten to that part in therapy, but I’ll be sure to email you the answer when we do.”
Once upon a time, we were as close as two brothers can be, and now I’m leaving with nothing but a promise to email.
“Darren, I’m sorry. Not just for the night when you came to me for help and I didn’t, but for all the other nights I could have reached out to help you and all the days you were in here and I didn’t break down the door to be with you. I know ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t enough. But I hope you’ll see it as a start. Maybe even an invitation to come visit me when you’re better.”
Eyes that have always been able to see through to the very core of me lift to mine. “I’d like that.” He pauses. “If Hope is there, I’d love to spend time with her outside of here too. Lacey would like her too.”
“Hope?” The question sputters out of me before I can control my surprise. “The woman who came with me to the hospital that night?”
Darren reaches for a bottle of water on the nightstand. He drinks deeply, and time slows to a crawl. I can’t tell if he’s purposefully stalling or just incredibly thirsty. Either way, I’m about to combust from the impatience. Finally, he puts down the water bottle. “Yes, that woman. She’s kind. She’s been coming a few days a week and bringing me lunch, says she knows the food here is barely more edible than hospital food. She’s right, you know.”
“Hope’s been visiting you?”
My brother’s mouth lifts with traces of a smile. “She didn’t tell you?”
“No.” She mentioned that she’d visit and do what she could to help, but she didn’t say anything again, and I just assumed that meant she’d forgotten. Or, really, I assumed she’d said it because it was a thing people say and never had any intention of following through on. I should have known better.
“She’s awesome. Don’t mess that one up.” Darren sounds more like my big brother than he has in decades.
I grimace. “You’re too late with that advice.”
Darren sucks his teeth. “And you’re still running?”
