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The spell took a lot out of me. Every being with magic has a limited well inside them. It refills regularly, unless something wild happens, but you have to be careful not to drain it completely. I’ve never gotten close. I’m not close now, but I’ve used more than is comfortable. I need some food and a solid night of rest to recover.
Strategically, saving Bowen was a bad move; I could’ve used his distraction to escape and even now be putting miles between me and whoever comes hunting. But the thought never crossed my mind. I reacted on instinct, and at this point I think it’s well established my instincts are shit.
All this to say that I don’t have the time or energy to fight with him. It’s hard enough to stand here without weaving on my feet. “If you say so.”
He frowns at me. “Do you need a healer?”
“I’m fine.” With my luck, he’d use that opportunity to stick a tracking spell on me, and then I’d have to dismantle that before I could attempt to escape again.
And I will be attempting to escape again. Just … not right now.
“Evelyn.” He waits for me to look back at him before he continues. “As soon as the weather clears, we’ll be heading out. It’s important that you don’t do anything to delay that. People have been killed by the monster we’re hunting. We’re still not sure the exact type it is, but we are sure of that. It’s our job to ensure no one else dies.”
Just like we did with the cat-sìth.
The thought makes me sick to my stomach. “You know, I’m a liar and a cheat and a thief, but I’ve never murdered anything—or anyone—before. I’m not looking forward to changing that.”
“It’s not murder if it’s a monster.” He’s doing that thing again, the one where he opens up his mouth and someone else’s words come out.
I hold his gaze. “How do you know that? You just said you don’t know the shape of it, only that it’s killed people.”
He sighs. “Sometimes our orders don’t have all the necessary details. It’s just how it works. We are trained to adapt to whatever monster we might face. The Council trusts us to be able to handle it even if we don’t know the full parameters of what we’re walking into.”
“There you go again. Throwing around that word as if it actually means something. I suppose breaking your vow makes you a monster, then? Since you kill people who run.”
Bowen pauses, and sighs. “I understand what you’re saying, but it’s different. There’s no choice.”
“That’s the thing about life. It’s nothing but bad choices.” I’m soaked to the bone, exhausted, and more than a little heartbroken. I turn and start toward the ship. This whole thing was a mistake. Not just because Bowen caught me … and then gave me a particularly stellar orgasm.
Nothing but bad choices, indeed.
If I had escaped Lizzie’s house without jumping realms, there’s every chance that her family would have killed me. And not in a quick, painless way. Lizzie didn’t become who she is in a vacuum. She was formed that way by birth and a very long life of conditioning. I imagine her parents are even worse. The thought makes me shiver.
A warm weight settles over my shoulders. Bowen’s cloak. Even as I tell myself not to, I pull it closer and inhale deeply. His cedar scent settles something inside me just as much as the residual warmth inside the cloak does. I don’t know what to think about it, so I don’t think about it at all.
I trudge back to the ship. In the predawn darkness, it’s still and silent. There’s also no gangplank. Damn it. The thought barely crosses my mind when Bowen’s magic wraps around me and lifts me into the air. His grip wobbles a little before he steadies me. I glance down to find his expression strained. He used a lot of magic tonight, too. Even though he’s got to be just as exhausted as I am, he’s still going above and beyond to ensure I have an easier time getting aboard. It’s unnecessary and frivolous and … damn it, it warms my heart.
The rise up the side of the ship is slow going, nearly as slow as if I’d climbed it myself. It gives me too much time to think. With the delicate way he’s holding me, even in his exhaustion, there’s a part of my brain that can’t stop analyzing the possibilities. I was too scared out of my mind earlier to register exactly how sexy it is that he has this level of power. Of control.
I’m not scared right now.
Who needs bondage ropes when your partner can hold you down with their mind? Can lift you and move you and touch you without lifting a single finger?
No. Not going there.
Except I’ve already gone there, haven’t I? The lid is off that Pringles can and now I know exactly how good he tastes, how he holds me as if I’m the most precious thing in the world, how he growls when he’s about to lose it. A woman could get addicted to being touched like that, to affecting her partner that deeply with only a kiss and an embrace.
I have no illusions about how I look. I’m fat and sexy and I’ve had no shortage of partners over the years. But it’s always been a game, a push and pull for fun or dominance or, in Lizzie’s case, a perverse desire to unravel her epic control. I was never successful; even in the throes of orgasm, she was as cold as ice. It made me want her more.
Bowen isn’t like that. There’s no game here. He’s so devastatingly serious. I don’t know how to deal with it. I shouldn’t deal with it. No matter the attraction I feel for him, I’m leaving.
Yes, the Cwn Annwn are scary, but so is Lizzie. I was already planning on spending the rest of my life dodging her. Tomato, tomahto.
Bowen sets me gently on the deck and physically climbs up instead of using his magic for himself. As I suspected, he looks like he’s weaving on his feet when he hauls himself aboard a few moments later. He shakes his head when I go to shrug off his cloak. “Keep it for now.”
It’s impossible not to notice how the rain plasters his white shirt to his broad chest. The fabric is practically transparent, clearly displaying every curve of muscle and scar. There are a lot of scars. It makes my heart pang strangely, but my heart has always been a fickle creature. Of course it would feel empathy for this man who is just as much monster as the cat-sìth.
“Thanks.” Without another word, I turn away and head belowdecks. Lucky is nowhere in evidence when I duck into our room. It’s just as well. I’m not in the mood to deal with their strange attitude.
