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She’s not doing anything but echoing my own thoughts, and I still have to fight the ingrained urge to argue. It was so easy to do when I thought my position was unassailable. When I thought I was right. “It matters.”
“Your laws have never been fair, Bowen.” She kisses my chest and gives me a sad smile. “I think I understand a little better where you’re coming from. Your ship was your family. They’re all you’ve ever known.”
Her sympathy grates. It feels too much like pity. “Ezra, the last captain, was essentially a father to me. But I’m too aware of the power imbalance between me and the crew. I don’t know if ‘family’ is the right term.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you had him. It’s awful to be lost and adrift in the world without someone to anchor you.” Her expression goes contemplative. “But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t perpetuating a corrupt system. In theory, laws are supposed to keep the peace and be fair, but I’ve never found either to be true. They tend to benefit the powerful and everyone else is left to drown.”
Again, I have to fight against the instinct to argue. “The Cwn Annwn—the originals, the ancients—are gods. Or as close to gods as exists in reality.”
“And gods are immune from corruption? From being selfish and power hungry and trampling those weaker than themselves?” She smirks. “You must not have many myths here. In my realm, plenty of the prey the legendary Cwn Annwn hunt are undeserving of that fate. Seems like it’s the same here.”
I feather my fingers through her hair, mostly because I can. Because she’s in bed with me and I’m allowed to touch her. Because this is only temporary and I want to soak up every detail I can in order to sustain myself for what comes next. “They’ll hunt you.”
“We’re not talking about me right now.”
No, we’re not, but I’d rather shift our discussion than keep digging into the foundations beneath my feet. I don’t know what to think of any of it. Or how to deal with the loss of my ship and crew. We didn’t always see eye to eye, but I thought even if I lost their vote, I’d earned more than being left on a random beach as they sailed away without saying goodbye. It stings. No, this clawing feeling in my chest cannot be described by a word as mundane as “sting.”
“Give a man some time to breathe.” I cup her jaw. “I know you’re going looking for your portal home. I wish you wouldn’t, but I won’t stop you.” I don’t have it in me to fight her, not anymore, not when she’s been right to question everything and I’ve been the fool being led around by my nose.
I’m still not prepared to admit that we haven’t done some good, though. Not every creature we’ve killed has been innocent, and there are plenty of people on my crew—not my crew anymore, damn it—who had nowhere else to go. People who were like me, without a past to mourn. They welcomed the fresh start and they’ve been happy on the Crimson Hag.
Or at least I thought they had.
Evelyn climbs up to straddle me. Gods, she’s a beautiful sight, her body soft and rounded and so fucking perfect I could worship her for the rest of my days. But I still see right through her. “While I’m not opposed to letting you distract me with sex, that won’t change the ultimate outcome.”
She drags her nails lightly down my chest. “What if you’re wrong?” She rolls her hips, rubbing her pussy against my rapidly hardening cock. “You were wrong about some things. What if you’re wrong about this, too? There are so many realms, Bowen. Even if they find me eventually, I’m very good at running. I can live out a long happy life in the meantime.”
I hook an arm around her waist and roll us. Evelyn’s laugh turns into a little moan as I settle between her thick thighs. I love that she doesn’t hesitate to dig her hands into my hair and tug me down for a kiss. It’s good. Too damned good. I want her forever, even though forever was never on the table for us.
That thought is enough to have me lifting my head. “I’ll miss you, Evelyn.”
She worries her bottom lip. “You could come with me, you know. I realize that’s a wild thing to say when you’ve known me for a week, but I like you a lot and I don’t like the idea of you getting yourself branded a traitor and murdered just because you’re trying to do the right thing.”
I think I love her a little bit in that moment. For the offer, but also for caring about my future. This woman drives me up the walls, makes me question everything I’ve taken as fact, and … I care for her. A lot. I am enticed by her kindness and her passion and her insatiable curiosity. “I can’t go with you, love. My place is here.”
“I thought you might say that.” Her smile trembles a little, but even as I search for the right words to banish her sadness, she gets control of herself and brightens. “Well, no reason we can’t have one hell of a goodbye, then. When do you figure a ship will come through here next?”
“Hard to say. This island is right in the middle of several trade routes, so it likely won’t be more than a day or two.”
Her smile drops for a beat before she reclaims it. “That quickly? Well, guess we better make it count, then.”
“Evelyn.”
“Bowen.” She mimics my serious tone. “Do you have something better to do for the next day or two? Somewhere pressing to be that isn’t pacing the beach and brooding while you glare at the sea.”
Considering I had been planning on doing exactly that, I can’t help but flush. “Wanting a plan of action isn’t a bad thing.”
“No, it’s not.” She hooks a leg around my waist. “But in this case, your plan is simple enough. Hitch a ride on the next ship that comes through. Head back to report to your Council or whatever and then pick a crew to join.” She nips my jaw. “Start as a cabin boy. Work your way up to captain again. Maybe toss a giant rock at Miles’s head the next time you see him.”
That surprises a laugh out of me. “Miles was within his rights to call for a vote. He had the crew’s confidence.”
“Doesn’t mean what he did was right.” She shifts restlessly against me. I have her pinned too effectively for her to angle my cock to her entrance, but I can feel how devastatingly wet she is. How ready. “Either way, I don’t want to talk about him right now.”
I don’t want to talk about him, either. But there’s one last thing to say before I can give in to her desire and spend the next day or two buried inside her. “Before I go, I’ll help you find the portal.”
She freezes. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do.”
