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“Sex with me will do that to you.” The joke comes out far more strained than I intend.
He smiles, but his eyes remain serious. “We really are the villains, aren’t we?”
I can’t lie to him. The fact that I would even consider it speaks for itself. I take a breath and cover his wrists with my hands. “I think it might be wise to examine where your laws came from and who they actually serve. I won’t pretend there aren’t some creatures out there who are dangerous, but the moment we start labeling anything nonhuman as monsters, it becomes a slippery slope.” I almost stop there, but I might as well get the rest of my reservations out. “And it’s worth asking: Who does it serve that you have a policy where instead of escorting people who are lost back to their home realms, you conscript them into your service? It’s almost as if the Council doesn’t think people would join of their own volition …”
He looks stricken. But he doesn’t instantly jump to the defense of the Cwn Annwn. That’s progress. It’s a damn shame I won’t be around to see him truly break free. Because he will. Bowen is too good a person to continue fighting for a cause that is so clearly evil. He just has to be able to recognize it for the evil it is.
“I feel like a fool,” he says. “These are all questions I should’ve been asking on my own. You shouldn’t have had to force me to see the truth.”
“What is the truth?” I don’t know if there needs to be a deeper purpose. Tyrants exist in every realm. Maybe the original Cwn Annwn set things up this way so they’d have unquestioned power. Maybe there’s some ancient reason for it, but it got twisted by mortals along the way. That sort of thing happens often enough in my realm. Religion and politics exist on a spectrum to be abused by the powerful. If there’s a universal truth across all realms, it’s probably that.
“I don’t know.” He slides his hands down to my shoulders and over my arms. It’s not a sexual touch, for all that I’m straddling him. He’s obviously looking for comfort. “I should know.”
“Don’t beat yourself up too much for not being all-knowing. You were dropped in this world as a child. From the comments you’ve made, the last captain of the Crimson Hag wasn’t a terrible person, so it makes sense that you looked up to him and took his word as truth. You never had a reason to question it.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t go giving me the benefit of the doubt. I’ve had doubts before now, but I let the laws drown them out. That’s on me.”
Yeah, it kind of is. But he’s already feeling so shitty, I don’t want to kick him while he’s down. Not when I’m already planning on leaving him to deal with this on his own. Guilt swarms me, but I breathe through it. I am a witch and a thief who likes drinking and fucking in chaos. I am not the person you want at your side if you’re starting a revolution. That might not even be something Bowen is doing, but if I stay here, the only choice is the Cwn Annwn or whatever force rises to oppose them. Which is no choice at all. “What will you do now?” I finally ask.
“I haven’t decided. The first step is getting on a ship, and then I’ll figure it out as I go. But I don’t want to waste the time I have left with you talking about what happens after you leave.” His hands find my hips and he jerks me close, eliminating the last few inches between us. “Once more, Evie. Do you think you’re up for it?”
Five minutes ago, I would’ve said there’s no possible way I could have sex again without a longer recovery time. Five minutes ago, I would’ve been a goddamn liar. “I’m only a little sore. Nothing you can’t kiss and make better.”
He smiles, some of the shadows fleeing from his expression. “You don’t have to give me an excuse to get my mouth on your pussy again.” He tightens his grip and rises out of the water, turning to set me on the edge. It’s much cooler in the room than it was in the hot spring, and my nipples pebble in response.
I prop my hands on the ground behind me and spread my thighs as Bowen sinks into the water until his face is even with my hips. Without him saying a word, I scoot to the very edge. He doesn’t fuck around. He covers my pussy with his mouth and kisses me there as if he’ll never get another chance. It feels so fucking good, I barely have the presence of mind to mourn the fact that it probably is the last time. If not this time, then maybe the next. The clock on our interlude together ticks faster. This will be over too soon. We just have to make it count.
I’ve never felt so doomed, even as I’m receiving the best pleasure of my life.
CHAPTER 21
Evelyn
NO ONE HAS EVER TOUCHED ME LIKE BOWEN DOES, AS IF I’ll shatter into a million pieces if he holds me too tightly. We come together over and over again, fast and slow and downright lazy at times, but as soon as our bodies cool, one of us will reach for the other and start the process all over again. It’s barely been twenty-four hours since we arrived at the inn, but time feels like taffy, stretching into infinity. It won’t last.
I want to tell him I’m not breakable, but I’m afraid that I’d be lying. It’s good and right that he doesn’t cling to me as if he never wants me to leave. He’s offering me my freedom, or what passes for it. It’s what I wanted. It’s all I wanted.
Except that doesn’t feel quite true anymore.
I don’t know what to do with that feeling, so I shove it down deep and work to lose myself in the feeling of his body against mine and his taste on my tongue. It’s not enough, but I’ve long since learned that nothing is enough to fill up the void inside me.
It’s always been there, for as long as I can remember. Maybe it spawned into existence with my parents’ death. I don’t know. It was less noticeable then, with Bunny’s presence to combat the darkness. But ever since she died, it feels like it’s only gotten bigger.
Like it will swallow me whole someday.
A pounding on the door startles us both. Bowen moves before I do, tossing a sheet over my naked body and stalking to the door. It gives me a glorious view of his ass, and, for a moment, I almost forget the potential danger.
He angles his body behind the door and cracks it open. His shoulders drop, which tells me all I need to know.
It’s over.
He confirms it when he says, “Dia.”
“The Audacity just made dock,” Dia says. “They’ll be here overnight, and then they’re headed north to finish up a hunt before they circle back to Lyari. Best that we both be on it when it leaves in the morning.”
“Both,” he echoes.
I can’t see her, but I swear I feel her attention on me all the same. “I haven’t survived this long by being a fool, Bowen. That girl is going to take her fate into her own hands, damned or not. I just hope you’re not lovestruck enough to do the same. I’ll see you in the morning.”
