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“No. Never.” I reach down and grab his wrist, preventing him from withdrawing. “Don’t stop until we have to.”
Bowen meets my eyes, and I see the same fatalism currently sinking in my chest. This isn’t forever. As much as I want to be kept by him, I am no bird to be stuck in a cage. I value my freedom above all else. I might love being trapped for a period of time, but eventually I would grow to resent him. To hate him. And that I cannot let happen.
In this moment of perfect understanding between us, I admit to myself this is love. And that sometimes love isn’t enough. We’re on two separate paths that have overlapped for a short period of time, but it won’t last. Eventually, whether it’s in a couple days or a couple weeks, or even a couple months, I’ll leave him.
And he’ll let me go.
He nods, and I can’t tell if he’s responding to something in my eyes or something in his head. In the end, it doesn’t matter. “Okay, Evie. We won’t stop until we have to.”
CHAPTER 26
Bowen
EVERY SO OFTEN, I’LL BE OUT ON THE DECK AND WITNESS a storm brewing on the horizon. Even with the warning, even knowing it’s coming, we still get caught up in it. Sometimes it even kills people despite all our experience, all our preparation.
That’s what it feels like having Evelyn in my bed. This moment of safety, of happiness, is only temporary. And it’s not because her ex wants to murder her. It’s not even because the Council may end up demanding an explanation about the dragon and ruling me a traitor.
It’s because she still hasn’t changed her mind about leaving Threshold.
I’m not a man of honeyed words. Even if I was, it feels wrong to try to convince her to do something against her nature. She’s told me time and time again how important it is for her to be free. I may want to tie her to me, to be the anchor that slows her down, but even I’m self-aware enough to know that it will ruin us eventually. And if it didn’t?
No, there’s no use clinging to useless hope. I know the stories of selkies as well as any sailor. They always go back to the sea, or face the fate of dying of sorrow. I can’t stand the thought of the bright parts of Evelyn being leeched away by my love.
It doesn’t stop my words from getting away from me every time we have sex. Even as I promise myself that this time I won’t let my possessiveness take the reins, the moment I’m inside her, I find myself saying the most unforgivable things. I’m nearly certain they make her orgasm harder. Speaking such forbidden words certainly heightens my pleasure.
But once the sweat has cooled on our bodies and our heartbeats have returned to normal, we both pretend that we weren’t begging and agreeing to things while in the moment.
There’s no reason to think Evelyn will leave me at Three Sisters, but dread takes up residence in my stomach when Nox comes to inform us that land has been sighted. They don’t comment on the love bites coloring my upper chest and throat. It’s just as well. Nothing I could say in response would be appropriate.
I shut the door and turn to face Evelyn in the bed with the mess of our sheets. “They’re hunting mermaids. If you take issue with that—”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about me this time. Mermaids are fucking malevolent and there’s no reasoning with them. They’re blocking off access to this trio of islands. The people will starve without ships being able to bring in food and goods, and the mermaids will definitely kill anyone who tries to sail past.”
I give her a long look. “Someone’s been talking with the crew.” As much as I would’ve liked her to stay in my bed the entire time, the reality is we both have shifts to cover and responsibilities that come with being on Hedd’s ship. There are no free rides in Threshold. At least not with the Cwn Annwn.
Evelyn shrugs. “I’ll be the first to admit that not every creature in existence is misunderstood. Normally, I would argue for rehabilitation or relocation even with a dangerous being, but the mermaids swarm and they’re insatiable. They’ll just end up in another place, doing the same thing. Eating all the food and killing all the people.”
“There are several kinds of mermaids.” I don’t know why I say it. She’s right. Once the shallow-water hunters show up, the only way to get them out is to kill them. The sole exception I’ve seen in all my years is Atlantis, the port city that sits out of time and space. It’s technically part of Threshold, but a long time ago, they managed to secure a deal that means they govern themselves and the Cwn Annwn aren’t welcome on their shores for unsanctioned hunts. I had to visit a year or so ago while tracking down an unsecured portal that was stolen from one of our people.
I’m not sure how they manage to keep the mermaids contained. Even then, they lose a decent number of ships and crews attempting to sail into the bay and make port there. I clear my throat. “The deep-water ones keep to themselves for obvious reasons. There is a swarming season, but no one smart goes near those waters during that time of year. Not even a full crew of Cwn Annwn are enough to guarantee survival.”
“So what you’re saying is that you respect the natural rhythm of them and don’t murder them for doing something within their nature.”
I see her point, but I can’t help pushing back. “They kill people.”
“So do the Cwn Annwn,” Evelyn says softly.
I open my mouth, but my rebuttal dies before the words can leave my lips. “So do the Cwn Annwn,” I repeat slowly.
She goes up on her toes and kisses me. “I know, baby. It’s going to be a long process of unknowing. Go easy on yourself.” She moves away to pull on a long coat and slips her dagger—because it is her dagger now, it’s no longer mine—into the sheath at her waist. That sheath is new, too.
This time, I don’t bother to question where it came from. Evelyn has proven herself to be canny with a mostly excellent sense of timing. If she bargained yet more stolen shit, she did it in a smart way. “Stay close. This is Hedd’s show, so no big moves on our part. It’s my job to ensure no mermaids make it aboard. Try to avoid using fire unless you’re aiming it into the water.”
“Don’t use fire on a ship. Brilliant.” Her reply is snarky, but I now know her well enough to detect the nerves under the words.
I take her shoulders and wait for her to look up at me. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”
Evelyn wets her lips. “I damn well know that in a fight, there are no guarantees, but when you say that so confidently, I believe you.” She shakes her head. “I’ll be a good little sailor and obey orders. I’m not trying to be a hero today.”
