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Not that she envisaged leaving her archiving job, or her flat, any time soon, but when she was with Miles, before she’d found out the truth, she had thought about him working abroad, and how her future might not be in London, or even in the UK.
For a creature of habit who craved order, routine, and her own personal space – something her therapist had suggested could be to do with her father walking out, and never coming back, when she was a child – Thea had assumed she was turning a corner by even contemplating a different future to the life she had in London. But now that was all gone.
Thea really did not want to think about Miles. She’d been in her early thirties when they’d first met. Next year she was thirty-four. Before she knew it she’d be forty. By the time her sister was her age, she’d married and had two children, and had moved to her dream house in the country – although it now appeared to Thea that the dream had turn sour.
It’s not a competition, her mum had always said to her when she bemoaned the fact that Jenna seemed to have the perfect life.
But what constitutes a perfect life?her mother had once asked her.I’ll tell you what does – finding your soulmate.
Thea stared at the boxes. If that was true, then her mum had had the perfect life – even though they’d never had much money, and the home of their own her husband had promised her had never materialised – because he had been her soulmate.
Thea sighed heavily and opened the boxes that she remembered had some books inside. There weren’t many. After a quick look through them, she was satisfied that she hadn’t missed anything; there was nothing of consequence – just some paperbacks she knew were her mum’s favourites, a few cookery books, and some travel books.
Thea picked up one of the travel books that caught her eye. It had a photo of an old VW campervan on the front. She remembered this one because it was just like the campervan her dad used to drive – except the one the front cover was orange. She vaguely recalled that his was yellow. Before their dad disappeared, her mum had planned for them to do some travelling in the old campervan. They had sometimes taken the van on day trips to beaches up and down the Suffolk Coast, but Thea knew her mum had more adventurous plans. Not as adventurous as Nepal, obviously, but she had wanted to travel more extensively in the UK, and perhaps further afield in Europe.
Thea stared at the travel book, wondering if that was what her dad had done – disappeared in that campervan after all. She raised her eyebrows; perhaps Mum’s plans had given him an idea, and he’d decided he’d up and leave his family, and travel alone.
Thea frowned at the book in her hand. She felt cross with her mum for keeping it. She knew it was because it reminded her mum of happier times before her dad went missing – it was how Thea preferred to think of his disappearance, rather than accepting what was most likely the truth; that he’d walked out on them.
Thea didn’t even bother putting the book neatly in the box. She threw it in and was about to seal up the box when she had a thought. She stared at the box. Then she felt something by her feet. She looked down to find Winston sitting there, licking his chops and looking up at her.
She smiled at the dog and patted his head. ‘No more food, okay?’
Winston’s head dropped, sad pleading eyes looking up at her, as though he’d understood every word she’d just said.
Thea ignored the sad, puppy dog eyes and looked at her watch. She felt like phoning Mark and finding out what was going on. Why hadn’t he said something at the train station? She didn’t know what she expected he might have said. That he’d left Jenna? But had he?
‘I’d rather speak to my sister,’ she told Winston as she lifted the travel book back out of the box on her way out of the garage. She hadn’t brought a book with her to read. It was something she always felt like doing when she went on holiday; buying some paperback books to read while she was away. Not that she went on too many holidays. She still had a load of annual leave she hadn’t taken.
Now she understood why she was lucky if she got a weekend away with Miles. Doubtless he’d told his wife he was away on a work thing; what else could he have told his wife when he was spending a romantic long weekend in a fancy hotel with Thea? A weekend that Thea had paid for.
She winced when she remembered the lies he’d told her, that his money was tied up in offshore accounts, or that he hadn’t got any pound sterling to settle the bill, or they wouldn’t accept his foreign bank card. What a fool she’d been to believe his lies. Of course he couldn’t pay for the breaks away, not on his bank card or even in cash, because his wife was bound to ask where the money had gone or possibly catch him out by seeing it on his bank statement.
She realised that this week away would the most time she’d spent on a break since she’d met Miles.
She returned to the house and stepped into the cosy lounge with its wooden flooring, white sofas, and big wall-hung television. She walked up to one of the windows and opened the curtains, planning to settle herself on the white, squishy sofa with a book. She fancied a big mug of hot chocolate. She left the book on the coffee table and returned to the kitchen. She found some hot chocolate sachets and even some marshmallows, and there was a can of squirty cream in the fridge – all the things she expected would be around with children in the house.
Thea made herself a decadent hot chocolate with all the trimmings. She tried not to feel guilty about helping herself to their food and drinks. What else could she do?Go and get some shopping, thought Thea. But she was tired and didn’t feel like it, not just then – although she would have to sort out dinner that evening. From what she had seen as she’d searched for the hot chocolate, there wasn’t much for dinner. It was little wonder that Mark had ordered in pizza the previous night.
He hadn’t left her any money to do some shopping. She wasn’t surprised; if they were struggling for money, he was obviously hoping that she’d go shopping and pay for it out of her pocket. In fact, she realised nothing had really been discussed. Nothing at all. Mark hadn’t said when he’d be back or when Jenna would be discharged from hospital. She’d find out, she hoped, later that day.
Thinking of the trip to Aldeburgh, Thea had an idea about dinner. She’d pay for a meal out for the three of them in a restaurant, or a pub – whatever they liked.
Satisfied that she didn’t have to go shopping that day, Thea took her hot chocolate, which she’d made in a tall glass, with a pyramid of whippy cream hiding the generous handful of mini marshmallows floating at the top of the mug.
She sat on the squishy sofa and picked up the book she’d taken from one of the boxes. She looked at the front cover, studying the young couple on the front, standing next to their old VW campervan at the side of a road. It wasn’t a novel. It was one couple’s journey – how they’d met and what had inspired them to hit the road and never look back. Unfortunately, the cover just reminded her of her dad.So, why pick up this book?Thea guessed it had something to do with returning to Suffolk. It was bound to bring back memories of her childhood.
Thea looked at the young couple on the front cover. The book had been written years earlier, and she wondered where they were now. Were they still together, still as happy as they so obviously had been when this photo was taken, before they’d hit the road? She knew she could probably Google and find out, but she didn’t want to go online again in case Miles had emailed her. Thea had switched off her phone too. She assumed that if Mark or the school wanted to contact her, they’d ring Jenna’s phone.
Thea opened the book and started to read. She’d put her hot chocolate down on the side table, and with a spoon she started spooning out the cream. ‘Hmm … delicious.’ She had to be quick, as the pyramid of cream was already melting into the hot drink.
It didn’t take long for Thea to reach the marshmallows. As she sipped the milky drink, she could feel her eyes growing heavy. She finished the drink and put the tall glass back on the side table. The sofa was so comfortable that she decided to put her feet up, resting her head on a cushion. She pulled the throw over her legs and closed her eyes, just for a moment. When she opened them again, the throw had fallen off her legs, and strangely so had the book. Then it dawned on her; she’d fallen asleep. Her eyes went wide when she checked the time.
‘Oh, my god. I haven’t collected the kids!’
Chapter 25
Thea couldn’t wait to put her foot down on the country road. It had seemed to take an age to figure out the Satnav.Isn’t it always the way, thought Thea,that when you want to get somewhere in a hurry, everything but everything will go wrong?First, it had been the Satnav in her sister’s car. Thea knew there was nothing wrong with it; she just had no clue how to set it. After randomly pressing some buttons, she finally figured it out. Next, she’d pulled out of the driveway, and a short distance down the road she’d found herself stuck behind a tractor. She’d hardly driven a hundred yards. And of course, it wouldn’t pull over and let her pass. Thank goodness she wouldn’t be too late, only fifteen minutes or so. She just hoped they were still hanging around outside the school for her.
