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Jade: Look at her. The woman is blushing.
Me: Loretta has that effect on people.
Jade: This is ridiculous. Did she just make a choking sound? As if this woman has a gag reflex. I’ve known her forever. That’s not a thing.
Me: Maybe we should have Loretta run these sessions from now on.
Jade: Agreed. I’d much rather talk to you both when I’ve had a nightmare than to Jen. Do you remember the day she cried when we told her about the woman who died and was left to rot in the closet with us? I don’t want a therapist who cries. I know what we went through was fucked up. I don’t have to come to terms with that. Healing takes time.
Jade’s right. Session two was heavy on Niki’s suicide and Julia’s murder. We didn’t get far before Jennifer had to take a moment to gather her composure.
While these sessions haven’t been the most productive, something positive to come from the last six weeks we’ve been home has been my relationship with the sisters. We talk each morning and before bed each night. They know about Gunz, just as I do about White Boy living on Jade’s couch most nights, and Blimp’s hovering. And it’s not just them. I’ve gotten closer with the sisters on the compound, too. Bink, Deb, and the others I’ve been introduced to—Jezebel, my wild, across-the-street neighbor. Pixie, the colorful-haired, petite, tattoo artist, who owns the shop Jade works at. Daisy, Bink’s sister-in-law. Jo, Bink’s half-sister. Candy Cane, another OG of the club. You also can’t forget the kids—from Leech, Deke’s daughters, Deb’s sons, to Jezebel’s kids, Tati, the teen I first met, and Janie and Dom.
On our same chat thread, Bink chimes in.
Bink: Not to rain on your parade, Kit… butttt the apartment today is a no-go. Just got a call from them.
Ugh. Another one bites the dust.
Me: Why does this keep happening?
Bink: I’ll give you two guesses but you’re only gonna need one.
I figured as much. After the first two apartments fell through, I started to get suspicious. Now I know it must be the case—Gunz.
He won’t let me leave.
But he doesn’t want to keep me either.
This man needs to make up his mind.
I refuse to live like this anymore.
In limbo.
Miserable.
If I can’t move into a local apartment to stay close to Adam, then I’ll do the next best thing. A hotel. I’m tired of sleeping next to a liquor store and waking up to an empty bed.
I’m just… tired.
Not wanting to be rude, I sink into the couch, suck up these warring emotions to deal with later, and pretend this isn’t that bad.
At least it’s not the warehouse.
At least I’m alive.
At least my son is safe.
Me: Thanks, Bink. I’ll figure something out.
Bink: We got you no matter what.
Jez: Gunz needs his ass kicked.
Jade chuckles at Jez’s message as I hide a private smile. They have me. Have. Me. A woman they barely know. A woman who doesn’t deserve their loyalty. Jez is ready to commit violent crimes of the foot-to-ass variety. These really are my people. Women I don’t deserve, but I’ll cherish all the same.
Mind made up, I tell them my plans. They’re minimal and off the cuff.
