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“Why isn’t the afterparty at your house then?” Hollie tilts her head to look up at me with a playful smile.
“Our family room can’t compete with Devon’s game room. Or her swimming pool. Or her theatre room.”
“Yeah, not many houses compare to hers, or so I hear,” she laughs. “Can’t you go after taking Sawyer home? It’s supposed to be a great party.”
We’re close enough to Sawyer and Will that I can hear him making a similar argument, only his is to convince Sawyer to go.
“Maybe I will,” I fib, just as Sawyer shrugs an indifferent, “Sorry,” to Will. She and I lock eyes briefly, then focus back on our partners.
Hollie adjusts her arms behind my neck, bringing us closer. “Thanks for the invite to hop in your limo. This has been fun.”
I catch Will’s hand sliding lower on Sawyer’s back, too low for my liking. Trying to stay calm, I shoot him a warning look when his eyes lock with mine, resisting the urge to grind my teeth together. As an added bonus that puts more distance between me and Hollie, who I’m pretty sure is trying to figure out if I'm interested or not.
“I’m glad you could make it. Sawyer was excited to have more than just my friends to hang out with,” I tell her. “It’s nice knowing she’ll be around good friends when I’m not here next year,” I add for good measure. She gives me a weak smile as the song ends.
After the dance, we all pile into the limo taking us back to Devon’s for the afterparty, though Sawyer and I will collect my truck and head home. Will manages to squeeze in between me and Sawyer, a last-ditch attempt to get close to her while he can, but the scowl I give him tells him to keep his grimy hands to himself. After what feels like an eternity of his pleas that we stay for at least one drink we finally make it to Devon’s, and the end of this torturous evening. We trade hugs with the group and tell them all to have fun. As they head toward the afterparty, I look at Sawyer and breathe a sigh of relief.Finally, we’re alone.
I offer her my arm to keep her steady in her heels as we walk to the truck. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her how beautiful she looks, but I bury that urge deep down and help her inside instead.
“So, was it a good time?” I ask as we drive home.
“It was, actually. Your friends are goofy, but they’re also pretty nice. It makes me sort of sad you didn’t spend more time with them this year. I feel like I kept you from that.”
“Sawyer, we’ve been through this. You didn’t keep me from them. If I wanted to hang out with them, I would've. If anything, you made what could’ve been a lonely year better.”
“Same,” she sighs, leaning her head against the headrest. “I was dreading this year when it started. Now I don’t want it to end.”
She doesn’t have to elaborate for me to catch her meaning. We both knew the dilemma our attraction presented from the start, and both know we’re on borrowed time because of it. What more is there to say?
We get home and make our way slowly upstairs, stopping in the hallway outside our doors. Neither of us have brought it up, but I know we’re both tempted to take advantage of the fact that we’re alone in the house. It’s probably the last time we’ll get to fall asleep holding each other. Just as before, I know it’s a bad idea, yet if she asks, I’ll be helpless to say yes. So when Sawyer turns to me with a longing look, I give her a slight nod even though I know it will make the next few weeks harder.
“Unzip me?” She gives me her back, pulling her hair to the side so I can reach the zipper. I drag it slowly down to her waist, trying not to tempt us both by tracing my fingers over her skin as I go. Instead of stepping into her room to change before coming to my bed, she lets the dress drop, and turns to face me in nothing but a pair of tiny pink panties.Holy hell.
My mouth goes instantly dry. I open it to speak, but I’m so torn between shock and desire no words come out. She’s breathtaking.
Her arms drift from hanging limply at her side to wrapping around her waist. The movement draws my eyes to her chest though my body is still too stunned to move.
Sawyer takes a tentative step toward me and wraps her arms around my neck. “Take me to bed. Just this once,” she whispers. I shut my eyes and my head falls back as I exhale. Internally, my mind goes to war with itself, mulling over the consequences of saying yes, but wanting to so badly it hurts.
Cautiously, I set my hands on her waist, trying to steady us both, maybe me more than her. My fingers skim her soft skin in doing so, sending waves of goosebumps up my arms. It feels so good to hold her like this. I want to give myself over to it, but the pain in my chest screams at me not to.
“Sawyer,” I groan. “I can’t. We can’t.”
“Why?” She kisses my neck, sending a warm shiver up my spine, and another painful jolt to my heart. My eyes roll back in my head as I try to keep my thoughts straight, but the feel of her lips make them indecipherable.
I know why she’s doing this, and why I want to say yes. Clearly, I haven’t been as good at hiding my feelings as I thought. Being in love doesn’t make everything else go away though. It doesn’t make it okay to take her virginity and walk away to the next phase of my life the way she’s asking me to.
“This isn’t a ‘just this once’ thing, Sawyer. It’s bigger than that.” I stroke her back, hoping the gesture softens my refusal.
“I know.”
“Do you?” I pull back to look her in the eye. “Because this won’t change anything. We still can’t tell our parents, and I’m still leaving for school. That makes this a ‘just this once’ thing when it shouldn’t be.” I cup her face in my hand and wipe at a tear that threatens to fall.
“I don’t care. I’m tired of fighting what we feel. What we want. I’d rather have this one time with you than not at all.”
“Sawyer.” I lean my forehead against hers. “It will only end up hurting you. I don’t want to put you through that.”
“It will make me happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.”
