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What the hell happened? This morning he showed no trace of the guilt and uncertainty he threw at me just now. He was shooting me bashful smiles from across the yard when he thought no one was looking, smiles that suggested he’d pull me into his arms if he could. That was at his party. Then he goes to Ryan’s and suddenly wants to put us on hold? No. Just no. He doesn’t get to put me aside and circle back when it’sconvenientfor him, or tell me my feelings are irrelevant because I have them at a bad time. He doesn’t get to claim he’s looking out for me even as he shatters my heart.
The more I think about his words the angrier I get, and as the anger grows the pain shrinks. But it will be back as soon as I see him. I love him too much to pretend otherwise, which is why I can’t see him again. That’s the only way to keep the anger in and the pain out.
I spend the rest of the night planning and packing, because what I’m about to pull off won’t be easy. But it’s necessary.
Around seven I hear Wes’ door open and I freeze, praying he hasn’t heard me. Two footsteps then silence, and I know he’s standing right outside my door. I hold my breath, too afraid even that faint sound will be like an invitation. The handle doesn’t turn, and before long I hear his footsteps padding down the hall.
I wait another fifteen minutes just to be safe, and after a lingering look at the book on my nightstand I make my move.
“Where are you off to so early?” Anthony asks as I set my bags by the front door.
“I thought I’d take my stuff over to dad’s. You know, double check that I’ve got everything and that I’m not taking too much.”
“Okay. You’ll be back for dinner?” He sips his coffee.
“Actually, I think it might be easier to just stay there. There’s so much to do before we leave tomorrow night, and you guys will be busy getting Wes ready to leave. I think it’ll be less chaotic over there.”
“Your mom know about this? I thought she was counting on a few more days with you.”
“I just thought of it last night. I don’t have to, but it just seemed to make sense.”
“Mmm.” He rubs his jaw. “Wes know you’re leaving?”
“We said goodbye last night.”
“You planning to leave without saying goodbye to us?” He arches a brow.
“Of course not. I was just going to load the car. I’m kind of excited.” I give him a shy smile.
“Alright.” He returns my grin, shaking his head. “I’ll load your bags. Take your mom a cup of coffee if you’re going to spring an early departure on her.”
“Thanks Anthony.” I wrap my arms around him for a hug, blinking back tears. He made a good home for me this year, which makes me feel slightly guilty about the charade I’m pulling. I only hope one day he and Mom will understand.
Saying goodbye to her does not go as smoothly. Aside from yearly vacations with my dad we’ve never been apart, and my leaving was never going to be easy, so the new schedule comes as a shock. Years of her wishing I’d get out more works in my favor though, and she can’t say no when I tell her I’m just excited for this new adventure.
I only wish it were true.
***
“Sawyer?” Dad asks when he opens the door and finds me with my packed bags. “What are you doing here? We don’t leave for two days.”
“I know. I was hoping to talk to you about that.”
He gives me a confused look, but steps aside so I can come in. “Sam’s in the kitchen. I’ll grab your bags.”
I make my way inside and take a seat at the island. Sam hands Dad a mug of coffee when he joins us.
“So, if you didn’t get the date wrong, what’s up?” Dad asks.
“Can I stay?”
“Stay where?” he asks cautiously, setting his mug on the counter before it reaches his lips. “Did you change your mind about going? Or do you want to stay here until it’s time to leave?”
“No, I mean can I stay the whole time? I don’t want to come back.”
“You mean move there with us?” His eyes dart to Sam. Hers are bugged out, staring at me. “You still have two years of school.”
“I can do it online.” A fact I know thanks to the research I spent all night on.
