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“The last eight years have been a lie. I thought I was broken, so I pushed people away or kept them at arms-length to avoid getting hurt again. I may not have been broken then, but I am now.”
“You aren’t broken.”
“No? If that’s true, why am I alone?”
“You’re not alone, I’m right here. And I’d like to think you were alone before because you were waiting for me, same as I was waiting for you.” He releases my shoulders to wrap his arms around me, hugging me from behind. It feels nice, but I’m afraid to enjoy it.
“Even if that were true, I don’t know how to be with you. I can’t just pick up where we left off.”
“I’m not asking you to. All I’m asking for is a chance. We’re still attracted to each other, that much is obvious. And we still understand each other better than anyone else, right?”
I think back to that day in my old bedroom, and everything that’s passed between us today. Despite the roller coaster of emotions that plague me there’s something about Wes that’s so familiar I can sometimes forget all that and just be me. I fought that at first, believing all my memories of him were false. Now that I know they aren’t, the idea of letting myself get close to him is almost a relief. It’s been so long since I was close to anyone, and given how intimate we were before, it’s easy to see why he feels so familiar now.
“We do,” I agree.
“So let’s start over. When we were kids we seemed to have a connection right from the start, just like we do now, although this time we don’t have to fight it. Let’s just hang out and see what happens. Hell, we can even live across the hall from each other again if you want, recreate the past so to speak.” His voice rises a bit as he says that, telling me he’s fighting a smile.
I’m about to object when I realize my current living situation is no better than the one he’s proposing. For all his good intentions, my dad’s interference left me with deep scars, and part of me is afraid those scars will always be there. Maybe one day I’ll be able to forgive my dad for that, but not today, and if I can’t forgive him today, I have no business living in his house.
“Sawyer? You just got really tense. What’s wrong?”
“I can’t go back to my dad’s.”
“I know, that’s why you’re here.” He hugs me tighter.
“No, I mean I can’t go back at all. Not until I’ve forgiven him, and right now I can’t.”
Now it’s Wes’s turn to tense. “Okay, what does that mean? You want your own place? You’re going to D.C.? What?”
He’s forcing his voice to sound calm, but the rapid heartbeat behind me says he isn’t. Any lingering doubts about his sincerity evaporate, though my nerves remain on high alert. “You’re really okay if I stay here?” I whisper.
Wes spins me so I’m facing him, cupping my face in his hands. “I’d like that. I only have the one bed so I’ll take the couch tonight, and I’ll get another bed tomorrow.”
“Actually, um.” I bite my lip. “Remember when we used to stay together, and you’d just hold me?”
He nods solemnly, never taking his eyes from mine.
“I’d kind of like it if you could do that. Just this once.”
“As you wish,” he whispers.
Wes
Sawyershiftsinhersleep, rolling so that her head is tucked against my chest. It’s something she does just before she wakes up, although I’m pretty sure she’s not conscious of it. Not like she is about coming into my room.
I bought the bed I promised her, but for the past three nights, around midnight, she makes her way to me, craving contact. Not sexual contact, just the sensation of being held, which I’m beginning to realize was one of the biggest voids she had in her life. It was a void for me too in the sense that I didn’t share beds with anyone, but I had teammates and family, who shared everything from high-fives, to slaps on the back, and hugs on a regular basis. I don’t think Sawyer had any physical contact with anyone, save for a few trips home over the years when our parents or the kids would hug her.
I enjoy these early morning moments, holding her close enough to breathe in her cocoa scent, and running my fingers tips over the smooth exposed skin of her arm. I pay for it later, with a hard on so big I can barely walk, which I’ll gladly suffer for these quiet moments that give me hope she’s going to come back to me.
Unfortunately, today’s quiet moment has to be cut short. The contractors are starting work this morning, and I’m due back in the office after taking a few days off to help Sawyer move out of her dad’s and get settled here.
“Is it morning already?” she asks when I try to scoot out from underneath her.
“You’ve got another hour before the contractors get here. I’m going to work so I need to shower.”
“I have a shift today, so I’ll get up too.” She arches her back and raises her arms over her head, which makes my already stiff cock harden a bit more. Sawyer, the girl, had an incredible figure, but Sawyer, the woman, is even more desirable. It’s something I can’t seem to avoid noticing no matter how hard I try. I also can’t seem to avoid making that abundantly clear.
“That looks painful,” Sawyer smiles sheepishly, looking at the tent in my shorts. Some of her witty sarcasm is coming back now that she’s getting more comfortable around me. I choose to take it as a sign that we’re on the right track.
