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Colt steps aside so we can go in and leads us to the back yard, the spot the three of us used to always sit at when Sawyer and I would come here for dinner.
“I’m guessing this means you’re open to forgiving me?” He hands us each a water from the outdoor fridge before taking a seat. “What changed your mind?”
Sawyer glances at me before opening her mouth to speak, only she can’t find her voice.
“Let’s start with this,” Colt suggests. “What are the reasons you wouldn’t want to forgive me?”
“I went from thinking Wes and I were in love to thinking he didn’t have any feelings for me at all. That made me doubt my ability to trust people. It made me afraid to get close to anyone or risk getting hurt. And thinking he chose me over football, same as you did for years, made me think I’d never be more important than the game.”
Colt takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as the words sink in. “Yeah, that’s a pretty strong list.”
“That’s all you have to say? It’s a strong list?” Sawyer’s grip threatens to cut off my circulation, but I suppress the urge to calm her down. She doesn’t need me to do this for her, she just needs me to be here.
“I’m agreeing with you, not arguing.” Colt holds his hands up in surrender.
“That’s supposed to make it better?”
“No, it’s supposed to open the door for more discussion. Those are serious accusations, every one of them true, and every one of them a good reason not to forgive me. I hope one day you can. I also know that might not happen today. But maybe we can work towards that.”
“How?” Sawyer’s voice is cautious.
“Well, that’s where you’re gonna have to take over this conversation. I figure there’s things you need closure on, only I don’t know where to start, so I’ll follow your lead.”
Sawyer’s eyes drift toward the floor, and a little crease appears between her brows. I can tell she’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know which of the things bothering her to focus on, but I do. The one both Colt and I have been guilty of in her eyes.
I give her hand a gentle squeeze, and she lifts her eyes to meet mine. “How about why football always came first?” I’m speaking to Colt, but Sawyer nods her approval.
“Alright,” Colt drawls, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Well, we had you young, your mom and I. She was a natural with you and I…wasn’t. Seemed like I was always getting in the way or doing things wrong, and being that my biggest contribution was making money I decided to focus on that, make sure you two were taken care of. Only, I got carried away. Wanting to take care of you two turned into wanting to be the best when I started to see the results of my work. Then after working so hard on the field I needed an outlet, which turned into spending time with the guys instead of coming home to you both. Wasn’t til you were old enough to not need me that I realized providing for you financially was only part of what you needed from me.”
Sawyer’s hand is clammy in mine, but she doesn’t let her nerves hold her back.
“And Wes?” she asks. “Why did you let me believe he chose football for so long? Respecting my wishes not to see him is only part of it, what’s the whole story?”
Colt takes a deep breath, looking her right in the eye to give his answer. “I thought if I interfered again, I might make it worse. That and I was afraid you’d never forgive me.”
“You let me suffer so I wouldn’t hate you?”
“I didn’t understand how bad you were suffering.” Tears pool in his eyes. “Not until I saw you two together and realized that you were both sort of stuck. That’s when I decided to get involved, even if it meant you might hate me.”
Colt holds his breath, waiting for her response. But she’s silent, staring at the ground again as if that might hold more answers.
“For what it’s worth, if I have to lose you I’m damn glad it’s Wes I’m losing you to.” He wipes at his eyes. “I know now that you two have always belonged together, and I wish I hadn’t let my experiences destroy the faith I should’ve put in you both.”
The tears streaming down Sawyer’s face are her only response. It’s not forgiveness, but now Colt knows she’s listening, and that’s all he can ask for at this point.
I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her to me. Colt smiles through his tears across the table.
Leaning to Sawyer I whisper in her ear, asking if she’s ready to go. She nods against my chest, and I start to rise, but Colt holds out a hand.
“Before you go, there’s something else I need to clear up.”
I sink back down into the chair.
“Why is Christian up my ass, apologizing for your behavior?” This time he’s speaking to me.
“He caught part of that argument the other day.” Sawyer goes stiff against me, never having heard this part of the story. “He didn’t think I had any right to honor Sawyer’s request to keep her whereabouts a secret from you. I told him I did.”
Sawyer glances up at me with a teary smile, athank youfor keeping my promise.
