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“We gave her a lot to process, tonight. Sometimes people want a little space for that.”
“If she was okay with everything, why would she need to process it?” His fingers stroke idly over his bare chest.
I roll to face him, propping my head on my hand. “You’re processing it.”
His hand stills as he exhales heavily. “Yeah, I guess I am. Do you think it went too far? We weren’t exactly gentle.”
“I’m pretty sure she didn’t want gentle. And besides,” I lay my hand on his, “if we want to ease her into the idea of being in an actual relationship with us, we should avoid giving her the impression this is anything but three people having a good time. Being gentle says the opposite.”
His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. “That makes this feel cheap and dirty.”
I open my mouth to object and can’t find the words to do it. It makes me sick to think Becca might feel that way about what we did, but the idea of pushing her away by asking for more than she’s ready to give makes me sicker.
We only had the one night together, but I’ve thought about her dozens of times since then. How she’s both sweet yet not a pushover, innocent while still adventurous. I admire how she’s willing to push beyond her comfort zone, but only for her own validation, no one else’s. I’ve never met another woman like her, and I know the same is true for Blake. Those are big feelings to reveal in such a short time, and at the risk of sounding like a total dick, I’m not sure we should be confessing that just yet.
Taking my hand off Blake’s, I rub it over my face. “I’m all for going about this differently if you have another idea. I just don’t want to scare her off by getting too serious, too fast. Casual seems like a good way to get things started, and unless I’m imagining things, I think she enjoyed it. I think we all did.
“It did go better than I expected. Especially after you grabbed my cock. Why’d you do that, anyway?” He finally looks at me, brows drawn in confusion.
“You were so hard. I didn’t think, I just reacted. I swear she licked her lips when she saw it, though.” That little slip damn near gave me a heart attack once I realized what I’d done, and I dropped Blake’s cock like a hot potato, hoping Becca didn’t see me holding it. When I realized she had—and that she seemed to like it—let’s just say it made the fantasy that much closer to a reality in my mind.
“You think we’re that lucky? That she’d be cool with us being bi?” Blake’s voice holds the same tinge of hope I feel.
“Does she strike you as the type to have a problem with it?” I trace my index finger up and down his arm, and though it’s meant to be reassuring instead of sexual, it causes him to inhale sharply.
“No.” It’s barely a whisper. “But maybe knowing two people are bi and seeing it up close are different.”
“Maybe,” I agree. “Either way, it’s only been one night, and while I don’t get the sense she’d have a problem with us, it’s still probably too soon to spring that on her.”
“We should tell her before anyone else. She deserves that.” Blake pops his jaw as he focuses his gaze on the ceiling again. It takes all my willpower not to smile. His protective instincts are cute.
“We will. Although,” I pause until he faces me again, “Axel knows.”
“What?” His eyes grow wide with alarm.
I hold my hand up in surrender, hoping to stop him from jumping to conclusions. “I didn’t tell him, but he knows me well enough to guess why I moved in here. Don’t worry, he won’t say anything until you’re ready.” My hand falls back to the mattress, tracing a path up and down his arm. “Neither will I. In the closet or out, Becca or no Becca, nothing changes with us.”
His body seems to sink further into the bed as the tension he was trying to hide subsides. Once again, I’m grateful to have this time with just Blake to reassure him things will be okay. Though I hated to see Becca leave as much as he did, Blake has a lifetime of confusion he’s grappling with while she probably only has a night’s worth. She’s strong enough to get through this on her own. Blake isn’t, and her absence gives him the chance to process what he’s feeling instead of burying it in an attempt to comfort her.
Scooting closer, I nudge him to his side and press against him, draping my arm over his waist. “Let’s stop trying to solve everything after one night. We’ll figure it out as we go, right?” I repeat the mantra we’ve been living by since we first decided to give this thing a shot.
“Right.” He relaxes into me, drifting to sleep while I hold him tight. Just yesterday, this was all I wanted, and if this is all I can have it’ll still be a good life. I can’t help wanting a great one, though.
***
The next morning, Blake is his usual laid-back self, and I send him off to work feeling confident that he’s on board with living in the moment instead of stressing about the ‘what ifs.’ At least, I hope he is, because I have to concentrate on my own ‘what ifs.’
I told Axel I’d help him out with his training camp idea, but I’m not sure that’s the best career move for me. First off, only part of the job would involve filming. Second, it’s a job, and I’m not sure I want one of those. Not when I could have my own gig.
Talking to Blake and Becca about the trails we want to explore, I realized there’s probably a ton of terrain that'd be great for filming, and guys who merely pass through here—like I did last month—don’t really know where that terrain is. If I live here, and have the opportunity to fully explore the place,I’llbe the guy who knows where the best spots are, and I could be the local expert. Whether that means consulting with other film crews or doing the filming myself, I could build something that keeps me outside instead of behind a desk. And the best part is, I could do that year-round, because snowsports have just as much need for video as bike sports.
I have a lot of thinking to do before I move forward with something like that, but ever since the idea popped into my mind at dinner last night, I keep coming back to it. I’m taking that as a sign the idea has merit.Another sign – shit.I don’t know if it’s the thin air at this altitude or my subconscious telling me I’m ready for a change, but the longer I’m here the more signs I see, and since they’re all pointing in a direction I’m happy to go, I guess I’ll keep paying attention to them.
Unfortunately, following my signs means for the first time in my life my path might not be the same one as Axel’s. I always figured that would happen eventually, though it’s coming sooner than expected. And even if I do pursue my own thing, I could envision a way to partner with Axel on some aspects of his gig. Maybe that would make our paths separate yet parallel instead of completely divergent. Either way, I’ll still help Axel get his venture off the ground. After that, well, we’ll cross that bridge as we get there. For now we’ll just concentrate on making his vision a reality.
“Who’s the contractor you got to build the track?” I ask as the two of us look over the plans he picked up this morning.
“Lennon’s friend Cade. He gave me a bro deal.”
