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“With desire, obviously. You may think it’s because I’m pretty or whatever, and it may have started that way, but now you want to do more than look.”
Once again, my first instinct is to object, but before I can get the words out his start to sink in. I do think he’s pretty—I’ve admitted that to him—and I’ve admitted to myself that I like looking at him. Watching him move, especially on that skateboard. Does that mean I want to do more than look? Does it mean I’m physically attracted to him?
Considering my body does seem to be more alert around him, I suppose it’s possible. Hell, the first time I saw him I suspected that the unknown feeling I got was attraction, though in the months since I convinced myself it was affection since I genuinely like him. It does surprise me that I might be attracted to Tripp since he’s so loud and brash and deliberately obnoxious, and I’m…not. Although there’s no denying it’s hard to keep my eyes off him. Touching him though… Is that why I look?
“Are you short-circuiting over there? All I did was imply that you might not be as straight as you think.” Tripp’s blunt assessment, though slightly off the mark, is a welcome interruption.
“I’m not freaking out if that’s what you’re asking. I’m just not sure you’re right.”
“Because you’re so clearly attracted to women?”
“Because I’m not sure I’m attracted to anyone at all. Man or woman.” The retort is out of my mouth before I can decide whether it’s a good idea or not. Though, I have to admit watching Tripp’s jaw bob comically up and down is pretty satisfying. He's used to delivering shocking statements, not receiving them.
I pop the top of my beer and take a sip to hide my proud smirk, indulging in a little liquid courage before the inquisition begins.
“You… I… Seriously? You’re…” He swivels his hand in the air as if that will help his brain process information. “You’re asexual?”
I guess I have to walk through this door now that I opened it. “Maybe.”
“What do you mean maybe? How do you not know?”
“I don’t really dwell on it. Hockey is sort of all-consuming, and I figure I’ll have plenty of time after I retire to focus on other things.”
“Other things being sex.” His jaw still doesn’t shut all the way, which is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. It’s not that strange to be indifferent about sex, is it?
“Sex, hobbies, travel,” I rattle off the first things that come to mind.
“Hold up.” He raises his hand like it’s a stop sign. “Have you ever had sex?”
“Of course, I have.”
“Then you’re not asexual.”
“I don’t think it works that way.” I pull my brows together.
“How does it work then?” He tilts his head to the side, giving me a critical once over.
“I don’t know. If I feel the need to have sex, I do, I just don’t feel the need often. I’m not sure if that makes me asexual or…something else. Like I said, I’ll have more time to figure that out when I’m done with hockey.”
“Still not following.” He shakes his head. “If you’re not interested, why do you rake your eyes over my body when you think I’m not looking?”
“I didn’t know I was.” Tripp rolls his eyes, forcing me to protest. “Seriously. I admire the way you move on a skateboard, I think because it’s similar to skating on ice in some ways. But guys on the ice are covered in pads so they’re kind of a solid blob whereas you’re usually shirtless so I can see how your body moves.”
“So, you’re watching a body in motion, not necessarily my body?”
I sip my drink while I consider the question, feeling my face heat slightly as I answer. “I don’t watch Xander the same way I watch you, and I’m not sure if that’s because he’s my friend’s boyfriend and I deliberately avoid focusing on him, or because he doesn’t hold my interest. I’ve never really analyzed it.”
Tripp studies me as he chews on his lip like he’s mulling over what to say next. “Why do I hold your interest? And don’t say that I’m pretty, you know how I feel about that word.”
This isn’t a conversation I expected to have today, or ever really, though it’s not as embarrassing as I expected. A little awkward maybe, but not embarrassing. Plus, I half wonder if sharing my thoughts aloud might give me some clarity.
“The first time I saw you, I wondered if you were a model. You have the angular bone structure and lean physique the industry looks for, and you project this confidence that reminded me of a model I once dated.”
“You watch me because I remind you of an old girlfriend?”
“At first.”
“And now?”
