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While I follow that logic, it doesn’t make things any clearer. “It could go either way I think. We sometimes bump into each other socially, so I’m tempted to say friends, but we’ve never made a deliberate attempt to make plans or anything.” Unless you count Tripp extending the invite to stay at his house, but even that came about through a fluke meeting.
“So, this is more like a friend of a friend that you’re attracted to?”
I shift into a low lunge to stretch my hip flexors as I roll that idea around. “I guess you can say that, yeah.”
“Okay, that makes it easy. As long as you don’t get together without your mutual friend—unless it’s for sex—you’ve got the perfect fuck buddy setup. And yeah, I think it’s possible to have that without catching feelings since you’d only need each other for the physical release, not like grabbing a drink together or anything.”
He makes it sound so simple, when the reality is the fact that I’m staying with Tripp could blur the lines a bit. Although, I’ve only got one night left before I can move back into my place, and after that, things could go back to the way they were. We see each other only when there’s a group event, unless we meet up strictly for sex. That seems a little cold and impersonal to me, but I think I’d rather go that route than try to explore this with anyone else. After all, Tripp’s the one who helped me open this door, and I already know I can trust him to be honest and patient and even encouraging.
“Hey, I lost you again,” Luca interrupts my thoughts. “Are you gonna get yourself a fuck buddy?”
While this conversation didn’t go the way I expected, it did end up helping. “Yeah, I think I am.”
Chapter 12 – Tripp
I turned down sex. With Thor. A hockey god I’ve wanted to defile since the first time I saw him, yet when he begged me to do it, I said no. Who am I right now?
Noah’s emotional state should be none of my concern. He’s a hookup, not a boyfriend. It’s neither my job nor my place to make him think twice about asking for sex. I should’ve just bent over and dropped my pants. Let him fuck me to his little heart's content. And if he turned that into something more than just a good time… Not my problem, right?
That’s how these things usually go. You screw around, you go your separate ways, end of story. Yeah, having mutual friends complicates matters, which is why I’ve made some concessions for him I wouldn’t make for a random stranger, like lots and lots of talking. But telling him to think on it instead of falling onto his dick when he pleaded for me to… I don’t recognize myself right now, and that’s a little scary.
I don’t want to make changes for Noah. I don’t like what that implies–that he’s special–or means something to me. And while I genuinely like the big guy, I can’t let whatever this is become more than platonic. I can’t let him in. Not even Xander has achieved that.
My best friend thinks he has, and he’s come closer than anyone to scaling the walls I’ve put up. But he hasn’t reached the top, hasn’t realized that I overshare about everything that doesn’t matter, and lock down everything that does.
I’m in a good place right now, and I only got here because I didn’t set myself up for failure. I didn’t allow anyone to get close enough to hurt me. Mostly. Sometimes I worry I’m too close to Xander, but I think my obnoxious tendencies are just annoying enough to keep him at arm’s length. I’m not sure the same can be said for Noah, though. That's precisely why I should stop making concessions for him, mutual friends be damned.
He’s sexy as sin and I want a piece of that. So, if he asks again, I’ll give him what he wants, and he can figure the rest out himself.
Yup, that’s the plan. No more saying no.
God, I hope he asks again. When he gets home in like, two hours. Fuck that’s an eternity. I’ve gotta burn off some energy.
I turn on the PlayStation and pull up Rainbow Six Siege, my go-to game when I’m restless. Since I’ve been playing for well over a decade, I’m not half bad, and I easily fall into the digital world, blasting the enemy and talking shit with the other avatars who make up my team.
Shooting imaginary bad guys is cathartic in its own twisted way. An outlet to expel the feelings I don’t share with anyone. My parents used to hate that I could get so lost on the screen. Even today, I feel an extra little jolt of satisfaction knowing I’m doing something they’d hate, despite the fact they’ll never know, and undoubtedly couldn’t care less. That probably bears some analysis, but I like my petty revenge.
I’m so absorbed, I don’t even realize the time until Noah plops onto the couch next to me with a timid, “Hey.”
I mute my game mic and nod. “Hey yourself. How was practice?”
“Tiring, but good.” He runs his hands over his thighs, whether from nerves or because they hurt after practice, I’m not sure. Regardless, it makes it damn hard to block the memory of sitting on those beauties while we jerked off. “So, I thought about it, and I’m good. With what you said.”
I assume he’s referring to the sex with no strings rule, and the pang of anxiety I've felt weighing on my chest lifts. The sheer relief of it causes me to lose focus and blast my own teammate dammit. I shouldn’t be so invested in him, but I desperately want him to say he’s down to fuck.
“Good?” I arch my brow in his direction while battling soldiers on the screen, trying to act indifferent.
“Uh, to be fuck buddies.”
My cock instantly perks up, excited that he’s on board. “Fuck buddies, huh? Is that what we’re calling it?” I bite my lip and waggle my eyebrows to see if I can get him to blush. He doesn't disappoint.
“I mean, isn’t that what we’d be?”
“It is, but I like hearing you say it.” I shoot the last remaining soldier in the level and climb onto those thick thighs, facing the TV.
Noah holds his arms up like he’s been caught red handed. “Uh, what are you doing?”
“Foreplay.” I wink at him over my shoulder.
