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Bron nods to Harry’s words, but still there is something left unsaid. “Tell me what truth?”
“That I didn’t feel the same way for you as you did for me.” There is another pause between them. Several of them, broken by sips of tea, lemonade, and a bite of cake. Harry looks out the window at a girl taking a selfie outside the College. He swipes a finger to his mouth, then folds his hands neatly on the table. “I think I wanted it to be that way with you, and of course I was still in denial about so many things … about who I was. But it just wasn’t like that between us, and it was just hard for me to admit that to you,” says Harry.
“I wish you’d just told me.”
“I know. And I should have. But it was so hard. You made it so hard. I felt responsible somehow. Everything you’d say, the way you were around me—it was like you were seeing things through some rose-tinted lens, that I was some big hero in one of your silly stories that I just couldn’t live up to. I never would have. You lived your life like it was some kind of movie.”
It’s not as though these words don’t sting, but Bron wants Harry to understand one thing, and one thing only. “You were my best friend. That’s all.”
“I know. But that’s not how it always felt, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”
He lets it all sink in. He doesn’t know how his expression reads, but he hopes to cover at least some of the hurt. Harry offers him a reassuring smile, and he forces himself to offer one back.
“Well, thank you for telling me now.”
“S’alright,” he says, clocking the waitress to order another lemonade.
Bron wants to hear more from his friend, wants to know who he is as an adult, and all the things that happened in the intervening years. He anchors onto what he thinks he knows. “So you have a boyfriend now?”
“Oh, well …” Harry reaches up to scratch at his back. There is a definite grin about his face. Something of a blush. “Just some guy I’m seeing. We aren’t official or anything. How did you know?”
He explains what he saw from the side street. The two of them. It feels uncomfortable to saykissing.
“Oh yeah …”
“And how did you two meet?”
“We’re at Corpus together,” he says simply.
Bron recognizes the similitude in all of this. How Harry is experiencing the very thing Bron so pined for with him at school. “So when did you know you were … like, when did you realize …”
“I guess I still don’t, in a way. I identify as bi, but I’m never really sure what term to use. I’m just attracted to whoever I’m attracted to. I’m trying to be less definitive about it all and more someone who just goes with the flow.”
“And your parents? They took it well? Or do they not know?”
“Yeah, yeah, they know. They took it swimmingly, actually. Dad’s my biggest supporter, which was a surprise to, like, everyone.”
“That’s wonderful,” Bron said, and meant it.
“Yeah, I guess I’m lucky, but what are you up to nowadays? Tell me about you.”
He tells him. He tells him about Greenwood, about Ada who he’s come to love like a sister and of Mr. Edwards’s sudden loss. He tells him about Darcy (“Wait, Darcy? As in thePride and Prejudiceguy? How random!”) and how he’s come to have feelings for this man, only to have gone and fucked it up, leaving out the particular details of what he’d said and done. About how he left so suddenly and that he was currently living with an old woman who’d agreed to put him up. He wouldn’t overstay his welcome.
“Sounds pretty tough, but not without its good points. This Darcy fella, he sounds like a pretty good thing? I’m sure things will sort themselves out between you. You just gotta give it time.”
Time. Yes, he would give it time. He would give himself time. Time to create moments to look back on and see them for what they really are. Time to explore the things he has heard other people talk about, but never seen for himself.
At some point through their conversation, Bron realizes he’s slouching. He’s relaxed around Harry. That their hands reach out for each other when Bron lobs out a joke, and soon Harry is loading up pictures of O’Brian holding his baby on his motorbike, of O’Brian’s girlfriend, who fancies herself an influencer and makeup artist.
He’s enjoying the rekindled camaraderie and is hopeful they’ll stay in touch after this. Maybe we can hang out again sometime soon?
“That’d be fab! I’m traveling Asia for a few weeks through the summer, but maybe we could link up when I’m back?”
Bron says yes, he’d like that very much; he’s convinced they might consider themselves friends again soon enough. Who knows …
“So what are your plans over the summer? What’s next for you?” Harry asks.
And Bron isn’t entirely sure what comes next, but he thinks broadening his horizons might be one place to start. “I’m actually planning to travel myself.”
