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“Like what?” Ballard said. “Like about your little blue pills?”
“What are you talking about?”
“The knockoff fentanyl I found in the drawer at your house. That your daughter also found.”
Bosch turned away from the view and looked at her.
“You were in my house?”
“You were missing in action. I was worried. So was Maddie. She found the pills and the note you left for her.”
“Shit, that’s been in there for a long time. Months.”
“Well, she read it and is understandably upset. Add in the pills, and it’s a goodbye note. What’s going on with you, Harry?”
“I’ll talk to Maddie. She wasn’t supposed to find that note for at least a few months.”
“What does that mean?”
Bosch moved over and sat down on the end of the bed.
“Your empath, Colleen? She was right.”
“What are you talking about?”
“About the dark aura she thought at first was coming from me.”
“Tell me what that means.”
“I told you about that case I had, where I found the missing cesium.”
“Yes.”
“Yeah, well, it’s come back around. The pills they were giving me only delayed things. It’s in the marrow now.”
There was a long pause before Ballard reacted.
“I’m sorry, Harry. Are they still treating you?”
“I’ve had some radiation, yeah.”
“What is the prognosis? How long before—”
“I haven’t asked, because I don’t want to know. I keep those pills in the drawer for when it’s time for the end of watch.”
“Harry, you can’t do that. Maddie doesn’t know any of this?”
“No, and I didn’t want her to.”
Bosch looked up and over his shoulder at her.
“Okay,” Ballard said. “But you need to tell her. In fact, we need to call her right now to tell her I found you and you’re okay.”
“We can call her but she doesn’t need to know about this other stuff,” Bosch said. “She’s starting her life and she shouldn’t have to worry about me.”
“This really fucking sucks.”
“It is what it is. I take those pills out of the drawer every morning. Then I put them back at the end of the day. When it’s the right time, I won’t.”
