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Ross sighed and leaned back, resting his head against the seat.
Amy hated what she knew she was going to have to tell him. She studied the contours of his nose and mouth, finally looking at his eyes.
Ross sighed again. ‘Just tell me what the matter is, Amy. You’re behaving strangely. I can tell something’s bothering you and I’d rather you told me what it is.’
‘Uh . . . I’m just preoccupied with work.’
‘But it’s yoga and massage, Amy. How can that be stressful? You should be all Zen and relaxed . . .’
Wow, she thought.Say what you think why don’t you? ‘Erm . . . it’s not quite as straightforward as that,’ she said, trying not to sound too annoyed. ‘I’m thinking about the admin that I’m falling behind on, the clients I’ve been supporting, class cover . . .’
He looked at her. ‘Class cover? What do you mean by that?’
She could have kicked herself for letting that slip. What an idiot. There was no way that he would let it lie. ‘Oh, you know, in case any holidays come up. I just need to know who I can call on to cover my sessions.’
He didn’t seem too rattled, and her answer actually seemed to pacify him. In fact, weirdly, he was smiling at her. ‘A holiday? You’re right. What a brilliant idea. We could do with a break. I’d love to go away, and I know the little guy would too. Wouldn’t that be amazing if the three of us went away somewhere together?’
Amy’s heart sank. But she knew as Ross reached to open the door, things were all settled in his mind. That was the end of the conversation, and his mind was now in planning mode. This was what he always did. He pulled the key from the ignition, jumped out the car and whistled as he walked towards the front door. ‘Leave it with me,’ he said over his shoulder. ‘I’ll look into it and sort something out.’
Amy followed him into the house, her feet trailing behind her. She wanted to scream at him that she didn’t want to go on holiday with them and that he never listened to her. He never did. It was all about him.
She lightly touched the natural curve of the wooden banister and looked around the hallway. She felt empty and detached. This wasn’t her home, and it never would be. Despite the late afternoon sunshine streaming in through the windows, she felt really discombobulated and had a sudden urge to get as far away as possible from this claustrophobic mess she had got herself into. She made a snap decision.
‘Cup of coffee?’ he asked.
She shook her head. She told him most days that she never drank coffee in the afternoon and yet still he regularly asked her the question even though they had been together almost eighteen months. It didn’t make him bad but every little detail about him was now irritating her which said more about her and what she had to do. ‘No thanks, not for me. I’m just going to go for a quick swim while I can.’
‘Oh, okay,’ he said, sounding disappointed. ‘How long will you be?’
What does it bloody matter, she wanted to shout. ‘Why, is there a rush?’
Glancing at his watch, he said, ‘Remember we’re collecting Caleb later.’
Amy tried hard to smile. She felt small splinters of her heart start to crumble as she realized, she was having to pretend. This was so against everything that was so dear to her — being genuine and honest and kind. She met his gaze. ‘Okay, don’t worry. I won’t be too long.’
He turned away to walk into the kitchen. Amy sneaked another glance at him. She was fond of him, but as she watched him with compassionate detachment, she realized that was it. She gathered her swimming things then pulled the door closed behind her, wishing she could just keep walking.
It didn’t take Amy long to make the walk down to Jericho Beach and she felt herself relax as she got nearer the shore. It was one of her favourite thinking spots and she liked to lean against one of the many logs and watch the world go by. It never failed to calm her. Today she wanted to be in the water to experience that feeling of being in a liminal space between the land and the sea and just float. As she slipped her clothes off, folding them neatly in a pile, she watched the wild black rabbits scampering around and playing. When did she forget to be playful and just enjoy the simple things?
This was one of the less-crowded beaches, which made it more appealing to her, and although it was a bit rocky, she knew which bits to avoid. She had learned her lesson previously and now always wore wet shoes to protect her feet from any sharp stones or shells.
The water was cool as she slowly walked through the gentle ripples and allowed her body to adjust to the temperature. A few kayakers and paddle boarders were out but she was the only one swimming today. Amy had taken an open water swimming safety course the previous year which helped her learn about the local tides. She knew the outgoing tide was always a bit more predictable as the water was flowing away from the beach. She gave a quick glance to the boats to check the current, but the surface was calm and still. In fact, the conditions were perfect.
Taking some deep breaths in and out, she then slowly braced herself as she lay on her back and floated, allowing her body to acclimatize to the drop in temperature. Even the process of lying on her back and watching the sky overhead had an immediate soothing effect. After a minute or so she turned onto her front and stuck her face in the water, gasping at how cold it felt. The water temperature was just over eight degrees which wasn’t that different to the sea in Arran. In fact, according to her research, the water at home may have even been slightly warmer by about one degree.
She began swimming, her goggles allowing her to escape to another realm below the surface. She focused on bubbles and blurry shapes and within a few minutes she felt her anxiety subside and the tension she’d been holding begin to dissipate. Slicing her arms through the water, she kicked her legs and smiled. After a while she flipped on her back and floated again, staring at the empty sky above her.
She had always loved swimming in the sea when she was younger, but when Mum died, and she came back here after the funeral, she found cold water helped her deal with her grief. Perhaps it was the sensory overload of having to handle plunging change in temperature, but it distracted her from the visceral sadness and gave her something else to think about. She always felt calmer afterwards and it had definitely helped her mental health over the past few years. Being in the water was where she felt most like herself.
Even though she longed to stay there, floating on her back,her hands and feet began to feel a bit numb, and she knew she’d been in there long enough. Reluctantly, she rolled over onto her stomach and made her way to shore.
Chapter Nine
Emma was so glad she didn’t have to think about caterers and flowers and that Kirsty was happy to handle that side of it. The main focus of the wedding was about her and Max becoming husband and wife. She wasn’t a bride-to-be who spent hours poring over menus or tasting wine. As long as there was food and drink, she was happy.
Max, yes, was perhaps a bit fussier, being a foodie, but he had scanned the sample menus Kirsty had sent over and was happy with the BBQ dishes they’d suggested. This wasn’t like him at all, and she knew he would have liked to have been more involved, but it was a sign of just how run ragged he was with work. They’d opted for canapés followed by sea bream with lemon thyme and paprika, prawns marinated in ginger, lime and coriander, steaks charred over applewood and sides of salad, new potato salad, crunchy coleslaw and cherry vine tomatoes with feta cheese.
They weren’t so fussed about desserts, especially since they’d chosen a fancy wedding cake, but knew they’d better have a couple of options. She had left Kirsty and Steve to make the final decision on that, or namely Becky and Tom as they were the ones most likely to eat pudding. Even her dad had never had a particularly sweet tooth. Becky and Tom had taken their responsibility very seriously and insisted they would have to go to the distillery to sample a few of the options. Eventually, after some thorough research, they’d selected a strawberry and mint pavlova, a nectarine cheesecake and a salted caramel tart with crème fraîche.
