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She kind of loved Ross and was fond of Caleb even though the feeling wasn’t reciprocated, and she wondered if she would ever form a bond with him. She didn’t realize how hard being a stepmum would be. She had tried so hard to connect with him, but he kept her at arm’s length. Despite that, she felt a massive amount of guilt at the thought of walking away. She bit her lip as she stared at his paintings, stuck to the fridge.
Could she really leave and disrupt things for him again? She had been told so often that kids were resilient, and it was better to be honest with them. Another wave of guilt. Was she really going to compromise her own happiness for a life she didn’t want to keep a six-year-old boy happy? A boy who clearly wasn’t keen on her . . .
Perhaps the time away for Emma’s wedding would be good. A change of scene would give her a break and offer her a fresh perspective. It would be great to see her sisters again and Dad, of course. They all kept in touch and spoke regularly, but it wasn’t the same as being there. She was very aware how different their lives were.
Kirsty was the oldest and eight years her senior which meant they’d never been particularly close. She and Steve were married and settled with kids, which triggered another stab of guilt that she didn’t actually know her niece and nephew very well. She and Emma on the other hand had always been close growing up, as there was only two years between them, but even they had drifted apart. Emma was so focused on her job and didn’t give herself much time for fun. She wasn’t sure of Max — again because she only met him over Facetime calls and once at their mother’s funeral. But he seemed kind and loved her sister who was obviously happy and ready to settle down. That was something Amy had always resisted until she met Ross.
She had always valued her freedom yet with Ross, well, she thought it was maybe about time she tried to give commitment a go. Especially given that she was approaching thirty-five. Ross had been one of her regulars at a yoga class near Stanley Park and later admitted that he started going to yoga as a coping strategy for his divorce rather than turning to alcohol. They were friends before anything happened and then it just kind of did. When he asked her to move in after a year of dating her instinct had made her hesitate, especially as she and Caleb hadn’t exactly hit it off. She tried to rationalize the niggle that wormed away inside her, telling herself that it was new, and she was out of her comfort zone, and she would settle.
Amy always thought six months was a good amount of time to aim for before making any decisions. But they had been living together for four months now and she wasn’t sure that things could improve hugely over the next eight weeks. She knew if she was to be true to herself then she needed to follow her gut. Her intuition was telling her what to do, she just had to listen. This wasn’t the life she wanted . . .
She gasped out loud as she realized she hadfinallyadmitted it.
Her phone beeped. It wasanothertext message from Ross asking what she was doing. She had already told him at breakfast that she had several massage appointments at the clinic across the street. He clearly hadn’t listened. Sighing, she quickly sent him a reply and then slipped off the stool and ran upstairs, stripped off and had a quick shower before changing into her other work clothes — a pair of loose drawstring pants and T-shirt. She pulled her dark blonde hair away from her face and into a ponytail. She half wished she was the one having the massage. She looked around the ensuite and although it was all very familiar, it didn’t feel like home. She could easily imagine herself packing up her few belongings into her rucksack and walking away without a backward glance.
She shook her head sadly at her reflection in the mirror. What kind of person did that make her? She sighed. She needed to tell him sooner rather than later that she was returning to Scotland. Alone.
Chapter Three
Emma didn’t like spicy food. It made her face flush, more than usual, and created an extreme thirst in her which made her swallow pints of water and then run to the loo. However, she knew how much Max loved it. Tonight, he’d invited along their friends, Ruth and Oliver, who were further along life’s journey than they were. Ruth and Oliver had decided against marrying, as neither wanted to be bound by the social constraints that tying the knot represented. Instead, they wanted a baby to be their priority and Ruth was seven months pregnant after a trying round of IVF. In fact, it was very much touch and go whether they would make Emma and Max’s wedding. However, perhaps a bit unkindly, Emma didn’t mind as Ruth had made so many withering comments to her over the years about weddings and how she would never understand being tied down to one person for life. Their non-attendance might be best for everyone.
‘I mean obviously we’ll do our best to be there,’ Ruth said, before putting a forkful of rice into her mouth.
‘We just don’t want to take the risk of being stuck on an island if she goes into labour,’ said Oliver, realizing Ruth’s mouth was full of food.
The way he saidislandirked her, as though it was a remote outpost in the middle of the Atlantic that took days to get to rather than a fifty-minute ferry ride from the mainland.
‘They do have doctors and nurses there, you know.’ She stopped short of pointing out that she and her two sisters had been born at home; it would make Ruth anxious.
‘We know that,’ said Ruth. ‘But we must do what is right for us now we’re going to be a family.’ She paused and shrugged. ‘It’s just such a shame about the dates.’
Emma eyed them both and momentarily wondered why they were still friends. She and Ruth had met at university in Edinburgh, aged eighteen, and shared flats over the years from tiny apartments tucked down cobbled lanes off the Royal Mile to grander tenements in Bruntsfield. Now, as she watched Ruth slowly pat her bump, she wondered what on earth had kept them together. All Ruth seemed to do was make constant digs at her. She had already explained that the wedding date was planned around everyone else’s hectic schedules. Her sister had cleared her B&B bookings for a week so they could be at Meadowbank Cottage together. Amy was flying in from Vancouver and had worked her teaching schedule and massage therapy appointments around the date.
‘It’s just one of those things, I guess. I’m just sorry that it clashes with your due date,’ Emma said now with as much diplomacy as she could muster.
‘Indeed,’ said Ruth flippantly. ‘We know where we stand, don’t we, Oliver?’ Her attempt to make the words sound jokey failed.
Oliver took a sip from his beer glass. ‘What was that, love?’
‘Doesn’t matter. Just saying that it’s a shame the dates clash.’
Oliver rolled his eyes. ‘Yip.’
In that moment, Emma felt a wave of dislike for them both which was so out of character for her. ‘Well, you just need to do what’s best for you.’ She tried not to say it unkindly, but realized her tone was slightly barbed.
‘Of course you must,’ said Max smoothly, tilting his head in surprise at Emma. ‘And we’ll totally understand, won’t we, Emma?’
‘Yes, of course.’ She wiped her mouth and dumped the napkin on the plate next to her.
What was wrong with her tonight? Why was she being so moody and mean?She couldn’t seem to stop herself. In fact, she wanted to leave.Now!
The foursome continued making small talk for another ten minutes and then Ruth started to fuss about being tired. Emma could have hugged her — in complete contrast to the rest of the evening. It was the most sensible thing Ruth had said all night. They settled the bill and went their separate ways.
Max asked Emma if she was okay as they walked home, but she was so annoyed with herself that she brushed off his concern and just held his hand, not trusting herself to talk.
His mobile rang as they let themselves into their flat.
‘Sorry, I need to take this,’ Max said as he headed to the study to take the work call.
