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He doesn't look fine. He looks exhausted. Stressed. Handsome in his suit but nothing like my Jackson.
Painfully aware of everyone watching us but pretending they're not, I shuffle forward, lowering my voice. “I'm so sorry, Jackson.”
He lets out a heavy breath, surprising me by reaching out to take my hand. “Thank you for coming.”
I squeeze his hand. “Of course.”
It could be a minute, it could be an hour, but his gaze remains locked on mine for what feels like forever, stealing my breath from my lungs, before it reluctantly shifts to something behind me. When his eyes return to mine, there's something apologetic lurking in them. “I have to talk to some people.”
I force myself to drop his hand even though I really don't want to, force myself to take a step back. “Go.”
“I'll find you later?” He doesn't sound too sure, like he's expecting me to flee the moment he turns his back.
I hope my firm nod is as reassuring as my words are meant to be. “I'll be here.”
* * *
I'm chugging red wine like it's going out of style.
Despite being so uncomfortable I could cry, I stayed. Partly because I told him I would, mostly because Eliza would probably rugby tackle me to the ground if I tried to leave. And also because my ride is Nick and I don't think he, or any of the others, have any plans of leaving soon. I heard whispers about staying overnight, which makes me want to vomit and weep at the same time because I can't help but think of how different everything was the last time I spent the night.
I don’t blame them for not wanting to leave. Even under the circumstances, it's hard not to get roped into the allure of Serenity Ranch. The boys have been here before, but it's Kate and Amelia's first time, and they looked just as entranced as I always have been. I think it helps Lux, having something to do in showing them around, giving her regular spiel, talking up the place she worked so hard to make as amazing as it is.
I haven't talked to Jackson since he hurried off. I haven't had the chance; he's being pulled in every direction, talking to everybody in sight. The whole socializing thing is wearing him out, making him miserable, I can see it in his face. He looks like he could use a drink. And a nap.
And maybe surgery to remove that girl that's been clinging to him all afternoon.
Caroline.
When Eliza spilled who she was, it wasn’t too hard to gather that she’s not happy about her presence. Neither is Lux, if the sketchy glances she keeps shooting her brother's ex are anything to go by.
God, the girl is all over him. Groping him like we’re at a club, not a funeral.
That might be the slightly tipsy side of me talking but still.
Ugh.
When the sun starts going down and the temperature drops, an itchy feeling overwhelms me. Everyone who was lingering outside piles into the house, and I hate it.
Outside, I can deal with, but inside is just… too much.
Watching Caroline fucking fondle Jackson is something I prefer to observe from afar. Or not at all.
No one notices me slipping away. Like I always used to whenever I came here, I naturally gravitate towards the barn. A neigh greets me as I shoulder the heavy doors open, and I smile as I approach the beast calling out to me.
“Hey, buddy,” I coo quietly as Clyde rattles the stall door gently, whinnying happily when I run my fingers through his soft mane. He tosses his head, knocking it against mine and I laugh as his soft coat tickles my skin.
Big flirt.
“He missed you.”
I jolt as I spin toward the ajar barn door and find Jackson leaning against it, watching with a soft smile. Clearing my throat, I return my attention to my monstrous friend. “I missed him too.”
If someone had told me a year ago that I'd feel a genuine longing ache in my chest for a creature that gave me thigh burn and a bruised ass, I would've laughed in their face.
“You can take him for a ride, if you want.”
Clyde and I snort in unison. Raising a brow at Jackson, I gesture at my dress. “Not exactly dressed for a ride.” Besides, me riding off into the sunset during a funeral is a touch dramatic, even for me.
