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Groaning, I scrub my hands over my face. “I didn't mean it like that.”
FuckingobviouslyI didn't mean it like that. I meant I didn't want tojustfuck her. I didn't want to hook up and then have her run off in a panic immediately after. But I was frustrated and wound up and it just came out wrong, so fucking wrong.
“We know you didn't,” Nick reassures me, shooting Cass a side-eyed glare. “Because we know you're still in love with the girl. She doesn't know that.”
I grunt. “When did you become the love expert?”
Nick grins. “Practice.”
* * *
I wanted to go after her but Nick wouldn't let me.
“Let her calm down,” he'd said. “Go rushing after her when she's not ready and it'll only make it worse. Trust me.”
Because the guy is one of the only people I know in a solid, steady, healthy relationship, I took his advice. It was probably the right call, too. I know my girl. When she's upset, she snaps. She pushes. So I stayed away.
I'm still staying away, a few days later, when I'm trudging out of class and a loud, extremely pissed-off voice hollers in my direction.
“Hey, shithead!”
I barely get the chance to turn around and check if I'm the shithead in question before something whacks me on the arm. Glancing down, I almost laugh when I see the weapon of choice is a sparkly purple spiral notebook with the words 'it's nice to be nice' printed across the cover.
I definitely do not laugh when I look up and find an angry former-blonde-but-currently-redhead scowling at me. “Pen?”
The notebook attacks again. Another wallop stings my arm, but not quite as much as those accusing eyes do. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Hey, enough.” I snatch the offending stationary from her grip, holding it up and out of reach when she tries to grab it back. “What the hell is your problem?” Huffing, Pen crosses her arms like an indignant toddler, muttering something inaudible but definitely insulting under her breath. “Speak up, Pen.”
“I was rooting for you, you know,” she spits out, and I recoil at not only the venom in her tone, but the underlying quiver, the hint of sadness. Disappointment. “I thought you were a nice guy. But when my s-” She clears her throat. “When my roommate comes home crying her eyes out with half her clothes missing, I'm gonna assume it's not because she spent the night with a nice guy.”
“Pen, I didn't-”
“I don't wanna fuck you?Are you kidding me?”
I wince. Yeah, I'm definitely not living that down anytime soon.
“Did you get off on it? Embarrassing her like that? What, was it payback for her breaking up with you? Do you know how long I've been trying to…” She doesn't finish her sentence, letting out a groaning, shrieking kind of a noise and slapping my arm again. “I can't fucking believe you!”
“Stop it!” I bat her hand away when she goes for me again. God, for such a slight little thing, she packs power behind her punch. “Can you let me talk?”
Pen narrows her eyes and pouts but nods stiffly.
Puffing out a breath, I shove my hands in my pockets. “I didn't mean for it to come out like that.” Snorting interrupts me, blue-green eyes rolling, reminding me so much of the friend she's currently defending. “God, you and her are way too alike.”
Pen stiffens. This weird look overcomes her for a moment, lips parting as if she's about to say something before she shakes her head. Her hand lifts, gesturing impatiently for me to continue. “I don't have all day, farmboy.”
Letting the sass slide, I tug Pen towards an alcove in the hall so we have some semblance of privacy. “I don't wanna just hook up with her, Pen. I... That's not what I want from her. That was never what I wanted from her. And I didn't want to have sex with her when it would mean something different to her than it does to me.”
The indignance narrowing her eyes goes nowhere. “And how do you know what it means to her?”
My head cocks to the side as I give Pen a look. “She broke up with me, Pen.” She didn't, doesn't, I don't know anymore, want me. Not the way I want her.
“Not because she-” Pen cuts herself off again, looking like she's one word away from stamping her feet like a tantrum-throwing little kid. Sucking in a breath, her expression softens a little. She does this little anxious glance around before stepping closer, her voice no longer at a deafening decibel. “Look, something monumentally shit happened last summer and she didn't take it well. Her breaking up with you had nothing to do withyou.”
I find that hard to believe. I was there. It felt a whole lot like it was because of me.
Pen must recognise the skepticism on my face because she sighs. “She was a wreck, Jackson. Breaking up with you wrecked her. More than the shit thing that happened that I'm not gonna tell you about because it's not my place, so don't ask.”
