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“I know.” But it sure feels that way sometimes.
“So maybe get over yourself and apologize to the girl before shedoesspeak to the press and tells them what a massive dick you are.”
“I know you miss your wife but you really shouldn’t talk about my dick.”
It’s a low blow—Sydney’s work with Doctors Without Borders and her subsequent continuous absence is a sore spot—but I’ve been ducking and weaving all night. Fair is fair.
Kate, ironically, doesn’t like playing fair. Squaring her shoulders, she clucks her tongue, head slowly shaking the same it does when she reprimands the kids. The spitting tone, though, and the profanity? Our beloved nieces and nephews never get those; they are specially reserved for me. “Get your head out of your ass and just think about it for a second. Do you really, honestly think she did it or does being pissed at her make you feel better about lying about who you were?”
Something uncomfortably honest settles in my gut. “I don’t feel guilty.”
The corner of Kate’s mouth quirks. “I never said you did.”
Fuck.
Like a dog with a bone, Kate latches onto my slip of tongue. “You didn’t like lying to her.”
“I don’t like lying to anyone.”
“I know.” She cocks her head, and I fucking hate the knowing glint in her ruddy gaze. “If she was lying too, that absolves you, right?”
“I’m not doing this with you.”
Scrambling to my feet, I try to make a break for the house—mockery is so much easier to brush off than psychobabble—but a foot connects with my calf, making me stumble. Kate rises quickly, darting around to block my escape. When she steps forward, I step back. When she narrows her gaze, I drop mine, staring at my feet because Survival 101? Don’t look a predator in the eye. “Taking your guilt out on her makes you feel better.”
“I mean it, Katherine.”
“She reminded you that you’re not as happy being alone as you pretend to be, and you’re mad at her for it.”
“I’m not lonely.”
Flashing that infuriating smile again, Kate shrugs. “I never said you were.”
“What do you want me to say?” One hand in a white-knuckled fist, the other waves dramatically in the air. “Fine, I feel guilty. I liked her. I’m a dramatic, childish dick and everyone is right but me. Is that what you want to hear?”
“It’s a really good start.” Closing the distance between us, Kate sets a hand on my shoulder. “Especially if it’s true.”Which it is,she silently adds without seeking clarification because one of Kate’s many talents? Mind-reading, apparently.
It’s notuntrue. I do feel guilty. I did—do? Could maybe again?—like Sunday. I don’t think I’m being childish or dramatic for not immediately taking her for her word, not with my history. Bold-faced lies are not a rarity in my life. Advantageous encounters neither. I’m a live in the moment, not in the past kind of guy but fuck, I have my limits.
But… I don’t know. Justbut. There has to be abut. I feel guiltybutthat doesn’t mean I’m wrong. I liked—God, why does my brain linger so obsessively on the tense of that word—Sundaybutthat doesn’t have to mean anything.
“If you ask me—” I didn’t and I wasn’t planning to, but I doubt Kate cares. “—I think you’re scared.”
“Of Sunday?” Pfft. Almost as preposterous as her beingadorable.
“Of getting close to someone you haven’t known since college. Since you were boring ol’ Cass and not Cass Morgan, Sporting Legend.”
“I was neverboring.” And I’m notscared. I just… I like my small circle. I like my friends and my family being the same thing. I like having one thing that hasn’t changed, that I can trust, that I can rely on. Fucking sue me.
“Just think about it, Cassie. Ask yourself if the woman you’ve been obsessing over—don’t shake your head at me, we all have eyes—is anything like the people who’ve sold you out in the past.”
I don’t want to; I already know the answer, and it’s not one that works in my favor.
“Try talking to her without biting her head off.”
Again, I don’t want to. Again, I doubt the result will be anything but self-destructive.
Sighing at my sullen silence, Kate raises her hands in surrender. “You’re allowed to be pissed, Cass. You’ve been dealt a pretty shit hand. But just be careful who you take it out on, yeah?”
