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I glanced over, only to see her lean her head against the window and close her eyes. Just how many drinks had she consumed? I’d never seen her like this at any of the family dinners, and we always had wine.
And even though the situation brought back memories, I knew this wasn’t the same as with my late wife. For one, Emmy hadn’t argued or cursed me out. I also knew she was too fucking busy with her weddings and shit to go out on benders night after night.
As she started to snore softly, the streetlights highlighted her face, and my chest ached. I wanted to caress her cheek and nose and the softness of her bottom lip until I memorized every feature. Then I’d move her over to lean against me, wrap my arms around her, and keep her safe. Always.
She could be mine, if I wanted.
What, what the fuck?No. I was taking care of her because she was close to my family and my kids liked her, and for no other reason. None at all.
Tearing my gaze from her face, I reversed out of the parking spot and turned onto the street. The entire drive, I kept my eyes on the road lest my thoughts turn dangerous again.
After arriving at her house, I slowly maneuvered her out of the car and into my arms again. She’d barely woken up to help me, but within seconds, she laid her head on my shoulders and snored softly.
The weight of her, the feel of her heat against me, and her soft breaths against my neck only made me hold her closer. I might have even leaned down to prop my head against hers, closed my eyes, and pretended for a second that my life had ended up with this woman instead of Andrea.
With a woman who was kind and generous. A woman who encouraged my children instead of ignoring them.
A woman who’d let me take care of her while also being a true partner, one I could share anything with, just like back in the pool.
Since my thoughts were dangerous, I opened my eyes and slowly packed away my longing and desire and wants. Unlike when I was younger, I had children to think of. And I simply couldn’t risk them getting hurt if I dated and things went badly.
All I could take were a few stolen moments and nothing more.
I carried Emmy to her room and laid her on the bed. But as I tried to untangle her arms, she only tightened them and murmured, “No. Don’t go.”
"No, Emilia, I can't stay. Now, let go, love. Please."
She must’ve heard me because I got free of her right after that. And once her shoes were off, I tucked her into bed and moved a trash can near the mattress, just in case.
I lingered for a few seconds, brushing the hair from her forehead, and wondered what it would feel like to crawl into bed and simply hold her. To wake up and take care of her hangover while also making fun of her for drinking too much.
To have Avery try to cheer her up while Wyatt went to pick her some flowers and make her smile in his own way.
My thoughts were in fucking dangerous territory, so I hurried from the room and locked up, leaving the keys in a secret spot. I texted Abby to let her know Emmy was safe and where to find the keys and then walked home in the moonlight.
All the while remembering how it’d felt to have Emilia Mendoza in my arms, her heat and scent surrounding me, and her trusting me to look after her. For once, I wished I didn’t have a shit-ton of baggage and trust issues weighing me down.
But even if I weren’t so damn cynical, my kids were my everything, and I couldn’t risk the tentative happiness I’d created for them, not even for someone as kind and smart and beautiful as Emmy.
No matter how much I wished it could be different.
ChapterFifteen
Emilia
Katie:So what happened last night after you left the bar?
Me:Nothing. And don’t you dare call me right now. I have the hangover from hell.
Katie:Then give me some details. I didn’t arrange for him to drive you home alone for nothing.
Me:I remember a drive and then I woke up in my bed.
Katie:Alone?
Me:Yes, alone!
Katie:Damn. What a waste.
