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“She is something,” Ralph rasps. “The kindest person I’ve ever met.”
I scan him, wondering if his mind has been affected as well as his lungs. He chuckles.
“Okay, young man, she’s hiding it really well, but that heart is bigger than most. And well protected. Too well, if you ask me. I tried to woo her.” His shoulders shake with suppressed laughter.
I chuckle. “So do you want to play chess?”
“Can we watch porn on your phone instead?”
I’ve seen shit in my life, and not much can faze me anymore, but I find myself gaping. “Isn’t that something you should do in private?”
“They blocked those sites on my phone. I shouldn’t get too excited.” He shrugs. “You would think, in a hospice center, they understand I’m waiting for death, so why would they refuse me a little peek at a nice pussy?”
“That seems fair, but I don’t think I want to get into trouble my first time here.”
“I see you’re a pussy, just not one I’d like to see.” He shuffles to the chair, parks his oxygen tank and plops down. He opens the chess box and the pawns topple, and some roll to the floor. “Fuck.”
“Okay, I’ll let you watch for a bit, but let’s at least pretend we’re playing.” I sigh and slouch in the chair across from him, unlocking my phone.
“Lower the sound. Maybe next time you can bring headphones.” He extends his shaking hand and snatches my phone.
While he chuckles, I set up the board.
“Papa.” A voice startles both of us and Ralph drops the phone. It lands with a clank. “Oh, hello, I didn’t know you had company.”
“Dominic, this is my daughter, Leticia. Dom and I are playing chess.”
Leticia smiles at me and then frowns at the chessboard. I move a pawn like that could save anything.
“Whose phone is that?” She leans to pick it up and the old bastard chuckles. Leticia’s eyes widen. “Papa!”
I snatch the phone from her and close the app. “I should leave you alone probably.” I clear my throat.
“Nonsense, sit down,” Ralph orders, and I sit, because what else can I do? “Leticia, what did the insurance say?”
She sighs and sits at the edge of the bed, fidgeting with her ring.
“The assholes don’t want to pay out my disability claim,” Ralph explains.
I turn to Leticia and fire off a series of questions to clarify their situation.
Before I think better about it, I say, “I might be able to help.”
Chapter15
London
Iclose the book and watch Madeleine sleep. Her breathing is labored but I still rejoice in her vital signs, despite the devastating knowledge that it won’t be long before she moves beyond this life.
Dad’s complications last night—though very typical in cases like his—weigh on my conscience, eating up my energy and determination to stay strong for him.
I should have been there, but Dominic is right, I can’t be by his side all the time. The situation was nothing like, and yet so similar to my absence at Kyle’s side. I lashed out because that’s the only way I know how to deal with fear and hopelessness. And there is too much of the latter in my life.
This morning, after barely sleeping, I almost canceled my regular visit to the center. Facing my father’s mortality on a daily basis while he remains positive and insists on his independence is proving much harder than I thought.
I wasn’t really thinking about the emotional toll of my commitment. I’m dealing with life-threatening circumstances all the time. Still, I’m not prepared.
Everything seems to topple over my head. I hate this feeling. It’s like my life is suspended in some sort of pilot program to test me. Living with my parents, last-minute struggles with all my projects, no party trip this year, freezing gloomy weather—it’s all tearing me apart.
