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I don’t know why I decide to get his opinion since I’ve decided to pass on the opportunity, but I give him the file anyway. “Look at this property.”
He scans the documents, then does a few searches and reads something else.
“It’s for sale. It seems clean and a good deal. Why?”
“I went to see it today.” The only problem with my determination to drop the opportunity is that I’ve already pictured how we can use it. That was a mistake.
“Why?” Gio’s disturbed expression deepens. But what do I know? This might be his normal look when he is not squinting at his computer or phone.
“Potential expansion of my nonprofit to another city. A hospice plus patient and caregiver services.”
He nods with something akin to respect. It’s just a passing emotion smoothing his frown, but it’s there. “That’s great. Did you choose Chicago to stay close to your boyfriend?”
I flinch. I keep forgetting Paris is the only one who knows that our relationship isn’t real. Though I’m not sure about that anymore. I want to deflect somehow, but Gio has always been good in advising me about my work.
“He found the location. I feel this is a great opportunity, but it’s a big step.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ve always played it safe. Relying on your connections here, on my connections, on the familiar environment to ensure you can raise enough money. But you’re good at what you do, and you don’t need the shield of your family to achieve more, Lo. Go for it. Your work is meaningful, don’t limit yourself.”
His words warm me up and shake me at the same time.
“Thank you. I guess you’re right. But there is a problem. The one you named at the beginning. Dominic.”
“I didn’t mention him as a problem. I mentioned him as an additional benefit. I think you have a good foundation here to expand to another city. Chicago seems a natural choice since you have personal ties there.”
I stare at him. Without all the conflicting feelings, on paper, it really sounds like a no-brainer.
“Are you going to fuck up everything because you’re scared?” Gio asks casually.
“I’m not scared,” I retort way too quickly.
He raises his eyebrows. “Okay. But you live your life based on what you think Kyle deserves. Not what you deserve. What a guy you loved when you weren’t even an adult might have deserved. If that’s not fear, I don’t know what is. There is a real man here who is willing to dive into your selfless world of helping people… And, if my information and impressions are correct, he’s been more into selfish endeavors in the past. Yet, you’re going to drop it because you think you owe Kyle an eternity of suffering?”
Every word that comes out of his mouth coils around my stomach, making me push the stupid salad away. Gio uncovers my wounds that have been festering for years.
All this time I thought they were healed, but that was a lie. I’m stuck in the past, making decisions today based on what happened almost fifteen years ago.
Instead of a reasonable response, I unleash my frustration. “Well, since we’re giving each other relationship advice, you better figure out what’s going on with Mila before she runs for the hills rather than dealing with a workaholic like you.” I stand up, and for a brief moment I cherish the shocked look on his handsome face. “I’ll tell Bianca you’re in love.” I have no idea if that’s true. I based my retort purely on those looks I spied during the gala, but I’m not far from reality based on his reaction.
“Don’t you dare, London.” His chair screeches on the floor, but I turn and rush out of there.
How dare he?
How dare he?
How dare he tell me the truth?
I hail a cab and give them the address of a hair salon where I go every year after the gala. I don’t have an appointment, but I’ve postponed my regular visit already and I need to shed some of this weight. I’m sure they can squeeze me in.
I need to do something radical to help me find my equilibrium.
* * *
“What the actual fuck?” Dominic cries out when he sees me.
I run my hand over my freshly shaved head. “What? My skull has a good shape for this kind of a haircut. And I did it for a great cause. Someone with cancer will get a new wig. Besides, my hair grows really fast.” I must admit I’m kind of enjoying his exasperation.
Dominic erases the distance between us and seizes my lips. We’re in his living room, the city lights creating a postcard-like backdrop. He devours my mouth and I love every minute of it. I wish his kisses weren’t this primal. Intoxicating. Addictive.
