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‘I’m so sorry Holly, I just can’t do it,’ he said.
‘Can’t… get married?’ I said, unprepared to hear the words coming out of my mouth.
He shook his head as Fleetwood Mac loudly blared from the church.
‘Speak to me, George. What’s going on? What the hell are you talking about?’ I was starting to panic. ‘This was your idea? You were the one pushing to get married. I was perfectly happy as we were.’
‘I was fine until yesterday, and then it hit me.’
‘It hit you?’I’ll bloody hit you. ‘What hit you, George?’
‘That we’ve had our time. Our seven-year itch, whatever you want to call it. We shouldn’t get married. It’s the opposite of what we should be doing. Sometimes people get married when they should be splitting up and that’s what I think we’d be doing.’
‘And you thought you’d tell me this now? NOW, GEORGE? Outside our wedding while our friends and family are waiting for us in the church?’
‘I tried to call you earlier, but I couldn’t get through.’
‘Earlier this morning? THIS morning?’ I hissed back. ‘Well you didn’t try very hard. Did you call my Mum? My Dad? Abi? The landline? Did you try the landline, George? Because I didn’t hear it ring. And failing all those options, now that I understand the severity of your message, maybe you could have got in your car and DRIVEN TO THE HOUSE.’
‘I know, I’m sorry, I should have tried harder or come over. Andy convinced me it was cold feet. But just then, when I was standing at the altar in front of everyone, I knew it wasn’t cold feet. I knew in my heart that my feelings aren’t forever feelings, and that I can’t go through with it.’
I burst into tears, ruining my new face, and George put his hand on my arm, making me jump.
‘Get your hands off me. Don’t ever touch me again. I can’t believe you’re doing this, that you’re saying this,’ I whispered, tears pouring down my face. The music had now switched and our friends and family were half-singing ‘You’ve Got the Love’, mixed in with a lot of collective muttering. I needed to leave and fast. I looked around for Abi and Mum, anyone in fact who could get me away from here. From the mass humiliation that was about to happen. That had already happened. George stared silently at the ground, kicking at an imaginary stone, his cheeks flushed and his hands in his pockets. The one person I would normally trust to look after me was no longer an option. He eventually looked up.
‘I don’t want you to hate me,’ he whispered, as my heart thudded through my ears.
‘Is this really happening?’ I said, shell-shocked.
His eyes were bloodshot from crying. I lifted his chin so we could be face-to-face, but it meant seeing the anguish up close. This was really happening. George was leaving me. Right now, on our wedding day. He slowly nodded and I lost all feeling in my body. I couldn’t breathe.
‘You’ll have to tell everyone,’ I said, pointing back at the church and avoiding his eyes, my head was spinning, ‘and sort everything out… I can’t bear… I can’t go in there…’ My brain had gone into auto-protect mode, which hadn’t happened for a while.
‘I’ll do it all. Of course I will,’ George said flatly, devastated.
Dad and Abi were waiting in the doorway, keeping a respectful distance.
‘I need to leave,’ I said, rustling over to them.
‘I’ll get Jeff and your mum,’ Dad said, quickly snapping into action.
‘This way.’ Abi dropped her bouquet on the floor, swept up my train and led me down an alleyway next to the church. ‘What the hell is going on, Hols?’
My heart was beating so fast that I put both hands on it to physically hold myself together. My brain was on auto-scan, continuously running through the past hour, week, month, trying to make sense of what had happened. I started hiccupping in shock and faced Abi, blank and bewildered as I tried to steady myself and catch a thought on what to do next.
‘Shall I go back and tell the priest,’ she asked, ‘so he can organise everyone?’
‘No, don’t leave me,’ I said, gripping her hands in panic. Everything was disappearing. My whole life and future had just… gone. ‘What am I going to do?’
‘You don’t need to do anything right now. You’re in shock. You need a vodka and to be with people who love you,’ Abi said, putting her arm around me.
‘Why has he done this?’ I burst into fresh tears. ‘Doesn’t he love me anymore?’ The hiccupping was getting worse. ‘I won’t ever be able to come back here, I’ll have to give up my job, oh God, I can’t face everyone, I can’t…’
‘Vodka. Just vodka for now.’ Abi hugged me tight, holding me together as Jeff screeched alongside us, Mum and Dad sitting anxiously in the back. I bundled in next to Mum, as Dad muttered ‘little bastard,’ and Abi got in the front.
‘One for the road?’ Jeff asked, passing me his hip flask as he revved up the Volvo and zoomed off.
Seven
