AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Without thought, her fist moves to her heart, pushing at it uncomfortably. I get it. My heart throbs in my chest. The congenital defect of loving Henley killing me from the moment I met her.
“I need to be bulletproof, Henley. Ineededto be bulletproof,” I correct.
“You just referred to me as a gunshot wound.”
I laugh. “No, Henley. You’re a fucking gun. You have the power to destroy me, and I let you do it over and over again.”
I let her hold the pain in her face. My words cutting her the way I intended them to.
“Have you ever considered that it has nothing to do with you? That it’s me I’m hell-bent on destroying.”
“I know that’s what it is.” I sigh. “That’s what makes it so much worse. You’re selfish, Henley. You’re so intent on feeling your own pain that you’ve pulled me along for the ride all these years. You’ve had the power to rise up and reject all those fucking dark thoughts in your mind, to let me love you, and to let yourself love me back. Instead, you want to be consumed by your own misery. You feel safe in your pain. Happiness is what scares you most.”
The line of her throat swallows aggressively.
“I don’t blame you, Squirrel. Happiness is a dream to you. It takes a lot to put faith in your dreams. Maybe if you stopped putting so much work in searching for happiness. . .I think, if youjusttook a second to reflect on us, you’d realize you were already there.”
I knock my fist against the wall softly. “I love you, Henley Wright.” I smile at her sadly. “But I can’t fight for you anymore, not when you won’t fight for yourself. Baby, I hurt, and I honestly don’t know how much more of it I can take.”
I inhale deeply, fighting back the emotion I wasn’t expecting to overwhelm me. “You’re not ready for me. For us. You weren't when we were teenagers. You haven’t been throughallthese years. Maybe you won’t ever be.”
Her feet move backward.
“If you’re searching all your life . . . know that you were loved the way you were supposed to be. Fuck Derrick and Jacinta and anyone else who has held promise only to disappoint you.Iloved you, Henley. Completely.”
I can scarcely pull in a full breath. My chest aches with the heaviness inside. It’s all but collapsed in on itself. My throat tightens with every tender breath as I turn to leave.
I pause at the door, shaking hands braced along the frame.
“You once told me you never let yourself love anything that can cause you pain. Maybe I should’ve believed that promise. I wish you’d never learned to tolerate me, Henley. It would’ve made my life a whole lot less complicated.”
I don’t wait for her to speak, knowing deep down that she won’t. Or likely can’t. Henley would more likely retreat inside herself than face conflict head-on. She’d live unhappily forever just to save herself from the torment of rejection.
32
HENLEY
THREE MONTHS LATER
No one has heardfrom him.
Not for three months.
It’s not unusual. Shooting on location, he often disappears for months without contact.
I learned that the hard way.
I can’t stomach it.
For me, each day has dragged like time has decided to stand still.
I’ve called.
I’ve texted.
I’ve emailed.
I deserve his silence. I know that.
