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“I’m sorry you wasted your time on my father. I’m sorry you never got to be loved the way you loved me.”
I crush my eyes shut and ride her sorrow, somehow made worse when she begins humming a song. A lullaby I don’t know, but one that seems to only make her cry harder. I feel her pain. Her heartache. I feel her devastation. And when she sobs, I pull her closer and hold her together when she can’t do it on her own.
“You can let go, Mom.” She trembles under my touch and curls in on herself, sobbing as the woman passes and her heart comes to a stop. “I’m gonna be okay. I promise.”
Rory
IT’S A NEW WORLD.
Idon’t know how long we lie on my bed. It could be minutes.
Or hours.
Or days.
It could be a lifetime, and I’m not sure even then I’d be ready to get up and leave this space.
But I know a life ended. I know my mother’s organs shut down and her heart stopped beating. I know the cancer won, again, and an angel was removed from this earth before it was time. I know she heard me promise that I’ll be okay, and most of all, I know she’s in a better place now.
The most concerning part is, I wish I was there, in that better place, with her.
“How do you feel?” Drake plays with my fingers, tracing them with his and memorizing every dip and curve. But when I say nothing, he clears his throat and tries again, “Rory?”
“Lonely.” I sniffle back the mess that desperately tries to mark my pillow, and stare at what is now a black screen on a lifeless phone. She’s gone. The phone is dead. The call has ended. But maybe, just maybe, she heard me with her. She didn’t open her eyes, but surely, she heard our song. And that’s almost the same as if I was there with her in the room. “I feel like this world is really big,” I tell him honestly, “and now I’m just me. The only one of me. Floating around on my own with no tether to keep me close. And I feel selfish,” I add, “because I wish she was here. Even thoughherehurt for her.”
“She’s not in pain anymore.” He presses a gentle kiss to the ball of my shoulder. So soft. So sweet. “She’s got her wings now too, Little Bird.”
I bury the side of my face in my pillow and try desperately to stifle my tears. My anguish. “She was always too good for this earth.”
“She was here to bring you to life,” he murmurs, his lips buzzing on my shoulder. “To raise you. To make you who you are. Now her work is done,” he presses another kiss down, “you’re perfect, Aurora. Which meant she could finally rest. She could go wherever we go next.”
“It’s better, right?” My voice catches and breaks. But I sniffle again and swallow it down. “When she was here, life was mean to her. But wherever she is now…”
“It’s better,” he croons. “It’s softer. Prettier.” He reaffirms his grip around my torso and snuggles in, his body touching mine all over. His face against my neck, and his knees against the backs of my legs. “Wherever she went, it’s so much better. Because she’s not sick anymore. And she no longer has to worry. She gets to watch over you and cheer you on. But without worrying about taxes or a mortgage.”
I choke out a pathetic laugh that embarrassingly involves boogers and honking sounds. “Stop it.”
“She’s no longer in pain,” he presses seriously, sliding his hand beneath my hoodie and caressing my belly. It’s not seduction. It’s not acome on. It’s his skin touching mine. A connection. Nothing less, and nothing more. “She’s happy now. And you’re not alone.”
Curious, I turn over so his hand slides to my hip and my back presses to the mattress. Then I look up into his haunted green eyes and wonder where he gets his certainty from. “There are no more Swansons left. I’m all alone. It’s just me.”
“No, Little Bird.” He lowers his head and rests his forehead on mine. I taste his breath on my tongue, and feel the tip of his nose on the tip of mine. “It’s me and you. I’m not the guy who’s gonna walk streetside for you, Aurora.” He licks his lips.Not mine.But somehow, it almost feels that way. “But I’ll bring you the skulls of your enemies.”
“You will?” I feelall cried out. I have nothing left to give. And yet, my eyes prickle and itch. “Obsession?”
“Like my number one priority,” he confirms. “I promise, it won’t be a wasted life.” Pulling back, his absence sending a million tiny goosebumps sprinting along my skin, he looks down into my eyes with compassion burning in his. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Little Bird.”
I look away, unable to hold his stare as fresh tears spill onto my cheeks. “It doesn’t seem real yet.”
“Well…” He draws a deep breath, the movement shifting the bed. “I’m gonna be with you until it does. And then when you’re ready, I’m gonna stay with you while you process it. And after that,” he grabs my chin and drags me back to meet his eyes, “I’m gonna stick around then, too. So you’re not alone.”
“I hate that I have a crush on you.” I choke out a pathetic laugh and turn again. But instead of him pulling me back, he buries his nose against the side of my face and breathes. Like that simple act of existing in my space brings him contentment. “I hate that you’re gonna step in front of a bullet for me. And that you’re here to protect me for work. Not because you’re helplessly, permanently obsessed with me.”
“Aren’t I?” he challenges, spiking my heart into a fluttering frenzy. “I thought I mentioned skulls?”
“Banks?” The front door slams open downstairs and makes us both jump. Drake wrenches his head around to look toward the bedroom door in a panic, not because we’re under attack. But potentially because he’s lying in bed with the woman he’s supposed to protect. “Detective Banks?!”
“Shit!” He bounds up from the mattress and slams his feet into his boots, almost like we’ve been busted having sex. He strides across my room and grabs my door handle, closing it most of the way, but he shouts through the gap. “I’m upstairs. Down in a sec.” Shooting a look back my way, he studies me lying on the bed. Splotchy-faced, red-eyed, and completely not okay after watching my mother take her last breaths. Malone might wonder, for just a second, if we’ve been doing things we shouldn’t.
