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"I hurt you," he counters, scraping a hand through his hair, tugging on the strands.
"You didn't mean to.”
"Just like he hurt you," he continues, fisting his hair, pulling.
"No. Not like that," I reply, reaching for him.
I hold my hand out, a peace offering. "Take my hand, Carrick."
He shakes his head. "I can't do that. I want you too much... Fuck!" he exclaims, slapping his hand against the cold stone. "Ever since you've been back, I've had this urge to–"
"To what, Carrick?" I croak, my voice a pile of rocks and boulders in my throat.
"To bury myself inside of you. To connect not just my body, but my soul with yours. I've never needed anything more in my life. It's wrong to want that after what he did to you, after what I failed to do."
"Failed to do?" I ask, shocked at how his truth affects me.
I'm not scared by it, or his honesty. This isn't a brutal man who wants to rape and abuse me like Soren, this is a man so in need of human contact and connection, love and affection, that he's literally beating himself up for wanting it.
"I didn't protect you from them. I should've fought harder."
"Don't blame yourself."
"He beat you, Cyn!" he argues. "I don't even know if he raped you, and I'm here wanting to fuck you. What kind of person does that make me?"
"He didn't rape me," I confess, lips wobbling.
"He hurt you so badly. You had to watch your friend die in the worst possible way. That's on me!"
"No!" I shake my head furiously. "You saved me."
"Did I though?" he asks quietly, looking at me, really looking. His penetrating gaze bores holes into my face as he studies me. "Are you really here? Or will you fall back into that place where we can’t reach you."
"I'm here now," I reply, holding my hands out once more. “I can’t promise you tomorrow or the day after that, but I’m here now.”
“Then we’ll just have to make sure that we give you a reason to stay,” he replies, crawling back to me and taking my hands. His thick fingers sliding across my palms, cupping my wrists as though he needs to feel the steady beat of my pulse to be certain I really am here with him.
"I'm so fucked-up over this," he admits.
"Me too," I reply.
"How do we fix it?" he asks.
"I'm not sure," I reply honestly. "I need time."
He nods. "I can give you that. Iwillgive you that…”
“Thank you.”
“When I said I wanted to fuck you," he swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as guilt stutters across his face. "It came out wrong. I don't want you to be scared of me."
"I'm not," I say. "How can I be afraid of a man who tore through a herd of monsters with no concern for his own safety just to save me?"
"Don't make me out to be a hero, I'm not one, Cyn."
I ignore him, continuing. "How can I be afraid of a man who sings like you do, who makes me feel like I've been torn apart and put back together again in one song? You truly are gifted, Carrick."
He shakes his head. "It's just a voice."
