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She looked at him unexpectedly and said, “We didn’t go on the coaster.”
He shook his head. “We can go back.” He wanted to go back to Las Vegas and finish the things on their list but didn’t know how to tell her without upsetting her. His only desire to go to Arizona, minus being on the Hoover Dam bridge, was to see the Grand Canyon, which Palmer hadn’t put down on her list.
Palmer leaned over the side again and played with the wind. Something told Kent they wouldn’t be going back to Vegas, and he had to respect her decision. This trip, regardless of him adding things to their list or not, was about her, and she wanted to help her sister.
On their way back to the car, they stopped at the gift shop. Palmer bought the baby some novelty outfits and a stuffed animal. She hadn’t bought nearly the amount of stuff she’d threatened Kent with, and he was sort of sad about it. As much as he didn’t have space for extra items, he wanted whatever Palmer planned to give his daughter.
Again, as soon as they were back on the road, Palmer wrote in her journal, and then reclined her seat. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked her, and she nodded.
“I’m just tired.”
Kent frowned and reached for her hand. If he couldn’t talk to her, he at least wanted to hold her hand while she slept. It took her a while to fall asleep, which he appreciated. She ran her fingers up and down his arm and sat up a couple of times to kiss his cheek.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked her.
“For changing our plans and doing so without reservation. I know it means more to me than you, to help Courtney out.”
Kent kissed her hand. “I think what you’re doing is admirable, but I’ll be honest, I don’t like the idea of you getting a biopsy. Something invasive like this. I feel it’s unnecessary and a risk.” He paused and shook his head. “Going to a hospital in your condition, I’m afraid they’re going to fight me when it’s time to leave.”
“Maybe they won’t ask if I have any health issues.”
Kent scoffed. “Unless you lie on the intake form, you’ll tell them. I’ll tell them. You could code on the table, Palmer.” He shook his head. The more he thought about this, the more he hated the idea. She could die in a room with complete strangers, and because of her DNR, he wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to her.
“We should talk about that,” she said quietly. It was the last thing he wanted to talk about, but he agreed. “In your phone, in the notes section, is the name of my lawyer. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and had him put you down as my beneficiary. I don’t have much, just the apartment, really, and a small retirement from the bank. After . . .” She took a shuddering breath. “Call him, and he’ll take care of everything. You can sell the apartment if you don’t want to keep it. My payment isn’t bad.”
“I just want you,” he said as tears escaped from his eyes. He slammed his hand against the steering wheel in frustration. Life was becoming too real, too fast.
Palmer played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Me too,” she told him. “Before it’s too late, you should know, I don’t have a plot or anything, and before . . . well, I thought the state would cremate me and that would be that, but I’d still like to be cremated but in my wedding dress, if you don’t mind.”
Kent signaled to pull over. He couldn’t drive and listen to her anymore. As soon as he was safely stopped on the side of the road, he unbuckled her and pulled her into his arms. He held her while he cried into the crook of her neck and begged her not to leave him. Kent was certain the doctors in San Francisco had made a mistake and this entire time she had something curable, because no one would be so cruel as to take her away from him.
Palmer held her husband and soaked up his tears. The conversation was something she had to have with him before it was too late. He knew this but didn’t want to accept the elephant in the room. Where they were headed could change everything for them. He didn’t want to fight anyone on keeping her bedridden because that was something neither of them wanted. When they got to the Mayo Clinic, it would be for the biopsy and nothing else.
After a half hour of sitting on the side of the road, he finally calmed down enough to drive. He was thankful when she reclined in her seat and went to sleep because that gave him time to think about a plan of action. If her time was near, he wanted to make sure her best days were yet to come.
