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That night, he sat in their bedroom and spoke to the box of ashes as if it could understand him. He told her how beautiful his daughter was and how Maeve had surprised him with her name choice. He promised Palmer that Sinclair would always know about her, where her name came from, and how much he loved her.
To date, he had kept his promise. Sinclair knew all about her namesake, her dad’s wife.
Sinclair pressed the button for the elevator and tapped her foot while they waited. “Am I getting cake?”
“Yes, there will be cake.”
Suddenly, her eyes went wide. “Daddy, did you forget Palmer?”
It had been five years since his wife had passed away, and there hadn’t been a day since when he’d forgotten about her. In the months they’d been together, she’d changed him for the better.
“No, I didn’t forget Palmer.”
“Well, where is she?”
“She’s in my bag.”
They got into the elevator and took it to the basement, where he kept his car parked. After piling their luggage into the trunk, he set his bag in the front seat and then checked Sinclair’s straps on her car seat. They were about to embark on their first cross-country trip in honor of Sinclair’s upcoming birthday, and to finish Palmer’s bucket list. Maeve had agreed to let Kent take their daughter for the summer, as long as she was back in time to start kindergarten.
“Daddy, can we listen to Lana?”
“Of course we can.” Kent turned on the same playlist he had made for Palmer and let Lana Del Rey’s voice fill the car. Within seconds, Sinclair’s legs bounced up and down and she sang along. Sinclair didn’t know this yet, but they’d see her in concert before the summer was over, and Palmer would be right there with her.
“Daddy!”
“What, Sinclair?” He looked into his rearview mirror to see her.
“Did you post that we’re on the trip?”
“Oh no, I forgot.”
“You better pull over.”
She was right. He thought about pulling over but then saw the sign for Crissy Field. He hadn’t been there since Palmer had died in his arms. He turned before he could change his mind and found a place to park. Kent helped Sinclair out of her seat and held her hand while she skipped toward the beach.
Kent paused where the pavement ended, and the sand began. He could see the day crystal clear in his mind. They’d sat on the sand, with Palmer in his arms, and he held her until her heart stopped. The day was forever etched in his mind. Every day with her was.
He walked forward and stood in the spot where he’d lost his wife. He crouched down to Sinclair’s level and held his phone out. Kent snapped some pictures and then went to the app and pressed the Live button.
They waited for their audience to come online . . . and then they started their journey.
Before I’m Gone
Sit in the front seat of a roller coaster and feel the wind in my hair
Eat tacos or tortillas from a roadside stand in New Mexico
Shop at a large farmers market
Meet Lana Del Rey and see her in concert
Take a picture of the most-painted shed in the US
Sit in the sand and watch the sunrise in Cape Cod
Take the steps to the Lincoln Memorial
Do yoga in Sedona
Tour and feed animals in a wildlife sanctuary
Stand under a waterfall
See Elvis on the street corner in Las Vegas
Hug an elephant
Find my family
Step on grapes and make wine
Run through a wheat field
Drive Route 66
See the marquees on Broadway
Ring the Liberty Bell
Buy a quilt from an Amish stand
See the northern lights in Minnesota
Visit Plymouth Rock
Touch Babe Ruth’s bat
Travel the Loneliest Road
Visit the Muhammad Ali Center
Dance in the rain with someone I love
Take the ferry to the Statue of Liberty
Check out the Grand Canyon
Take every picture I can of Palmer
Make Palmer smile smile
Eat chowdah in Boston, per Palmer
Eat pizza in Chicago
Try frozen custard in New York City
Get coffee in each city
Get married in Las Vegas!!!!!
Honeymoon at Hoover Dam
Live the way Palmer would want me to live 8
Go to American Girl
Start kindergarten
Ask my daddy for an iPhone
See a whale or dolphin
Find a mermaid
Ride a unicorn
Palmer’s Lana Del Rey Road Trip Playlist
“Beautiful People Beautiful Problems”
“Tomorrow Never Came”
“Happiness Is a Butterfly”
“Ride”
“Without You”
“Young and Beautiful”
“Thunder”
“Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman like Me to Have—but I Have It”
“Lucky Ones”
“The Greatest”
“Get Free”
“Swan Song”
“Religion”
“Love Song”
“God Knows I Tried”
“Black Beauty”
*Added by Kent
“Don’t Take the Girl”—Tim McGraw
“What Might Have Been”—Little Texas
