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When we finished eating, Lainey asked, “Can we go play?”
“Yeah, baby. Stay in the area for little ones with Soph, though, would you?”
“Uh-huh.” Lainey took her sister’s hand and walked away with her. We were close enough that we could keep an eye on them and make sure nothing happened but would be able to talk without them hearing.
“What happened, Bec?”
“Nothing really. It wasn’t anything more than what we deal with every day. I needed to go to the grocery store, and it was hell getting any money out of Rex. You know how he can be. He acts like food is an inconvenience. Finally he gave me some, and I asked him if he could babysit so I’d just run and come back.”
“He’s their dad. That’s not babysitting. That’s being a father.” Jesus, he was such a prick. What kind of man didn’t want to spend time with those perfect little girls?
“It is when their daddy is Rex. Anyway, he said no, of course, and then Lainey was complaining about being hot and bored, so I thought maybe all of us could go together. It could be family time. We could come and get ice cream, then shop and maybe cook out. The girls overheard and got so excited—Soph probably more because of Lainey, but still. I usually don’t ask stuff like that in front of them, but they’d come back into the room. Rex said no, then took off with Les, and I just felt…defeated. I’m so tired, Parrish. I broke down and started crying. Poor Lainey was consoling me, which made me feel like the worst mama in the world, so I pulled myself together, promised my girls we were still getting ice cream, and then went to see you. I know you’re not their daddy, but they love you so much.”
“I love them too, and you don’t ever have to feel like you can’t come to me. I want to spend time with them. I’m so sorry my brother is such a piece of shit.”
“I wish you were their daddy. I wish I could’ve been with you. You’re so much better to us than he is.”
My gut clenched. “Becca…” It wasn’t the first time she’d said something like that. One night after Lainey was born and Rex had disappeared for days on end, I went over to help her out, and she’d tried to kiss me. I’d stopped her, and she’d apologized, had run out completely embarrassed, but she still hinted from time to time.
“I know. You’re gay. I just…I don’t know how to be without someone, ya know?”
Jesus, my heart broke for her. She really believed that. “You don’t need me. You don’t need Rex or any other man. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You deserve better, and I wish you would leave my brother for good. I would help. I have some money saved up. It’s yours. Contact your aunt in Washington.”
Her mouth fell open like I’d just told her she should commit treason. “I couldn’t leave him. How would I do it on my own?”
“Sweetheart, you’re mostly doing it on your own now. I’m not saying it would be easy, but the three of you deserve better. You have to break the cycle.” Becca’s mom had lived her life with a shitty man who was even worse than Rex in some ways. But her mom had dealt with it because she thought she needed him, and now it was the same with Becca. The second she thought Riven was pulling away, she leaned on Rex, and then when Riven got locked up, she was already tangled up with him. The thought of being alone scared her so damn much. I didn’t want those girls to share the same fate, and I knew she didn’t either. If that’s what the girls continued to see, it’s what they would think relationships and life were supposed to be.
“Like I said, I can’t be alone, Parrish. At least he’s there in some ways.”
I nodded, knowing that was what she would say. There was nothing I could do to change her mind.
“You know I love him, don’t you?” Becca asked softly.
I frowned. “Rex?”
“No. Riven. It was different with him. He never treated me badly. I messed it up, even before he got locked up. I can’t explain why I ever started messing with Rex in the first place. He got in my head.”
I reached over and squeezed her hand. “He’s good at that. And you can’t beat yourself up over things that happened in the past. All you can do is move on and try and do better.”
I held her hand across the table, feeling like the biggest prick alive. Becca had been through so much, and she was still in love with Riven…and as wrong as it was, I couldn’t make myself stop wanting him too.
