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Nerves made my gut twist up in a way I was completely unfamiliar with. I worried when it came to Grandma, of course, but had I really spent my life so detached from people that I hadn’t cared for anyone enough to feel this deep-seated fear over someone? That they weren’t okay, or that I’d screwed up and they were done with me? I hated all these thoughts but couldn’t get them out of my head.
My heart was beating too fast when I pulled up at the curb. This was torture. Who in the hell wanted to feel this way? I wished I could shut it down, turn it off, walk away so I could end this torment and never have to feel it again, but I knew I couldn’t do that. The good stuff made me want to hold on.
I banged on Parrish’s door with a closed fist. When he didn’t come out right away, I gave it another thud, thud, thud before tugging out my cell phone and calling him. As soon as he picked up, I said, “Answer the fucking door, Parrish.”
“Shit,” he cursed softly, then added, “I don’t want you to see me like this. I don’t want you to do something stupid.”
A heatwave took over my whole body, heart pounding against my chest the way my fist had come down on the door. I knew it. I knew something was wrong.
I tried the handle, and like I figured it would be, the door was locked. “Let me inside, baby,” fell from my lips, the term of endearment a first for me, not just with Parrish, but with anyone.
“Riv…”
“I’ll break the door down if I have to.”
“Stop it. I’m too sore to be turned on by your growly response.” He tried to make a joke of it, but I couldn’t laugh. With a sigh, Parrish said, “Go through the gate. There’s a loose board on the left side of the back porch by the door. There’s a key hidden in there.”
I hurried over, found it exactly where he said, and let myself in. There were no lights on in the house, no blinds or curtains open to let the sun in. I made my way down the hallway to Parrish’s room.
The bathroom light in his bedroom was on. Parrish was in bed, his face black and blue, his bottom lip and left eye swollen. A blanket only reached his waist, his torso bruised and battered as well. Rage created a volcano inside me that erupted angrily, spewing red-hot lava through my blood.
“I gave as good as I took,” Parrish said. When I didn’t respond, couldn’t find the words, he added, “This isn’t the first time I’ve fought with Rex, and it won’t be the last.”
I was shaking too bad to speak, like the anger had closed my throat up, my body cracking and vibrating with fury. When I found my words, all I could make come out was, “I’m going to fucking kill him,” then turned to go.
Parrish moved faster than he should have been able to, catching me halfway down the hallway, arms around me, and pinning me to the wall. My chest heaved, my breath trying to run away from me. Jesus, why couldn’t I breathe? Why was I so dizzy?
“Don’t. What happens if you do something dumb and get locked up again? Or worse? I can heal from getting the shit beat out of me, but I can’t heal from losing you. You’re inside me now, Riv. Like you’re my goddamned heart or lungs. I can’t live without you.”
His words poured over me, a balm to the wound that was my life. I didn’t understand it, how I could mean that much to him, but I knew he meant that much to me.
When I tried to move out of his embrace, Parrish hissed out in pain. Hearing it flipped a switch in me, temporarily dimmed my anger, because in that moment, all that mattered was him. Parrish took care of everyone in his life, but this time, I was going to be the one to take care of him.
And then…then I would find a way to burn Parrish’s brother to the motherfucking ground.
“Come on. Let’s get you dressed and some shit packed. I’m taking you home with me.”
I turned in his arms, Parrish staring at me for a moment. I couldn’t make out what his gaze was saying, what it all meant, but I knew my insides felt like they were being ripped apart. Like people were scavenging my organs while I was still alive.
I didn’t know what else to do, couldn’t stop myself from it if I wanted to, so I leaned in and gently pressed my lips to the cut in his eyebrow, to the bruise on his temple, then over to his swollen eye, kissing that too. My mouth journeyed down his face, kissing and trying to soothe every injury on him, lingering on his swollen lip, before I bent and did the same to every bruise on his chest.
