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“I won’t argue,” she replied.
I made tacos because it was one of the only things I actually knew how to make. We ate together, and then I made up an excuse about being tired and disappeared into my apartment.
I didn’t know how to be around people anymore, not really. Didn’t know how to relax around them, not even my grandma, whom I fucking loved.
CHAPTER TWO
Parrish
“I need to borrow some money,” my brother, Rex, told me. It wasn’t a question. Most of the time, it never was. He was used to getting his way because most people were scared of him, but I wasn’t.
“Fuck off.” I went into my living room and sat on the couch. Rex came in like I knew he would, his friend Les with him.
“Come on, man. You know I’m good for it.”
“If you’re good for it, why do you always need money? And why do you never pay me back?” He made more than I did. Sure, not legally, but he did, yet he was always asking for something, and half the time I ended up giving it to him. How could I not when he had a girlfriend and two young girls he took shit care of?
“Stop being such an asshole. It’s fifty dollars. Becca is on my case, and I need to bring diapers and food home.”
Fuck my life. That got me right there. I couldn’t not give him money if it was for my nieces. What kind of asshole would do that? Still, I should probably take him out to buy the diapers. It wasn’t as if I could trust him.
When I didn’t answer right away, Rex added, “Les will let you suck his dick.”
I’d come out a few years ago, and while I hadn’t had to deal with a lot of homophobia, I did get dumbass shit like that.
“The hell I will!” Les replied.
“Like I would want to. I don’t have to pay for it.” Sure, there might not be a huge, thriving queer population in Clayton, but I did all right. I was able to get mine when I felt like it—mostly in Bedford, which was about thirty minutes away.
That was just Rex being an asshole, though. He tried to say things to get under people’s skin, to exert power over them and make them squirm. It was something I’d been dealing with my whole life. When I was younger, it worked. I hung on Dad’s and Rex’s every word. There was nothing I wanted more than to impress them, even when I knew the shit they were doing wasn’t on the level. I’d done my share of things I regretted in the name of fitting in with them, but that wasn’t the case anymore. Once Riven, my brother’s best friend, went to prison, that had been a wake-up call for me. “I’ll meet you at the store and buy you the food and diapers.”
“Fuck off, Parrish.” When I didn’t move, didn’t change my mind, he added, “Why you being such a bitch?”
Why was he thirty-one and still couldn’t get his shit together? I knew it wasn’t always easy to make ends meet. I struggled with that myself around here. There weren’t a lot of high-paying jobs, even if you went to college, and even less when you hadn’t, like us. But most of Rex’s issues were self-made, or Dad-made. He and Rex were tight, cut from the same cloth, and I’d never been good enough for them. Dad didn’t bother with me anymore.
“That’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”
“Fuck you, man.” Rex and Les stormed out, not even bothering to close the door behind them.
“Jesus.” I rubbed a hand over my face. I didn’t wonder anymore why this was my life because it was all I knew; it was all the people who lived here knew. It had always been bad, but then meth had torn through Southern Oregon, leaving it even worse. Now there was a little bit of everything on the streets.
Plucking my phone off the coffee table, I sent Becca a text asking if she needed groceries and diapers. She tried hard, but being in a relationship with my brother didn’t make life easy on her. When they’d first gotten together, I’d tried to talk her out of it, tried to tell her what a mistake it was, but she hadn’t listened, and now she was two daughters deep and tied to our family.
That wasn’t to say Becca was perfect. She didn’t always make the best decisions either, but she loved her girls and wanted to take care of them.
Becca: Yes. I’m sorry we had to ask. I’ll make sure to pay you back.
Shit. So Rex had been telling the truth. The thing was, it being true didn’t mean that if I’d given him that money, he would have spent it on his family. He was too easily distracted by thoughts of himself.
