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“You don’t have to be embarrassed. I’m embarrassed my brother is such a fuckup.” She started to put the groceries away, and I tried to figure out how to tell her Riven was back. Not only was him and Rex spending time together a worry, but she’d been in love with him. She’d confessed it to me when she’d been drunk one night—hated herself for cheating on him with Rex, but she said she’d felt Riven pulling away. It wasn’t an excuse, and cheating wasn’t okay, but Bec was a product of her environment, just like the rest of us. She grew up with a mom who didn’t believe in herself, who thought her worth lay in having a man, and poor Bec was the same.
“Do you know where Rex is?” she asked.
“No. He left with Les right before I texted you.”
“I think he’s cheating on me.” She didn’t look my way.
“Shit. I’m sorry. You deserve better.”
“Do I, though?” Bec countered. “What the fuck do I do to give us a better life? I can’t hold down a job. You have to buy us food. I cheated on Riven with Rex. I’m just as big a piece of shit as Rex is.”
“You deserve better,” I reiterated, and then knowing this was the best opening I’d get, I said, “he’s back. Riven is back.”
She stopped, her back to me, without moving. “Riv?”
“Yeah.”
Becca whipped around. “How do you know? Did you see him? Does Rex know?”
“Sarah told me just now. I haven’t seen him, and I have no idea if Rex knows.”
“Oh God.” Her eyes darted toward the living room. We were speaking softly so the girls wouldn’t hear us, but still. “He’s gonna hate me. I dropped him the second he got locked up. And Lainey…he’ll know I cheated…”
“He’s trouble, Bec. It don’t matter if he hates you or not. You need to stay away from him, and so does Rex. You guys have two little girls to think about.”
“I know. I wouldn’t… I don’t want… It’s complicated.”
I sighed. Why did everything have to be such a mess all the time? Why couldn’t it ever be easy? “I know, but that was a long time ago. You don’t know him anymore. And even if you did leave my shithead brother—which I’ll one hundred percent help you do when you’re ready—Riven McKenna isn’t a better option. He killed someone.”
“He said he didn’t mean to.”
“Yeah, well, how many things does Rex say he’s sorry he did or that he didn’t mean to do? That doesn’t change the outcome.”
“I know. I just didn’t expect to hear that.”
“Come here.” I gave her a hug, hating this life for her, for those two kids in the next room. Becca had an aunt in Washington State, and I wished she would get in contact with her. Becca wouldn’t because she was stubborn. They’d had a falling out because Becca’s mom was a real piece of work and hadn’t liked it when her sister tried to help her. That had bled into Becca, thinking the aunt was judgmental, and maybe she was, but Bec would never know if she didn’t try.
She hugged me back, before Lainey came running into the kitchen. “You gonna come play with us now?”
Becca pulled back. “Go. I’ll take care of this in here, and then I’ll come and color with you guys.”
I nodded, knowing she needed time alone.
I played with Lainey and Sophie, and about half an hour later Becca joined us, and then the four of us played Barbies before I helped Bec cook dinner.
When I left at eight, Lainey hugged me, and I kissed Sophie’s chubby cheeks, wishing like hell for a better life for them.
CHAPTER THREE
Riven
I got up thirty minutes earlier than I needed to for work. I wasn’t taking any chances of anything going wrong. After getting dressed, I put my black ball cap on backward the way I liked to wear it. I had two of them, one for work and one for everyday wear. I didn’t feel like myself without them, and I’d missed them when I was locked up.
Keeping with the time schedule, I arrived at the office thirty minutes before I was supposed to as well, and sat waiting in the truck.
Apparently, I made it there before my new boss, because he pulled up next to me a few minutes later and walked over. I rolled down the window, and he asked, “Can I help you with something?”
“I’m Riven McKenna. I’m supposed to start work today.”
He looked startled for a moment, but recovered quickly. “You’re here early. I like that.”
“Thank you, sir.” Six years ago I would have skipped the honorific. Prison got me tougher in some ways, but I became more settled down and grown up in others. The first year was tough. I had to detox from alcohol and drug use. I got into trouble for fights and shit like that before I learned to keep my head down. I didn’t play games anymore because that hadn’t gotten me anywhere but to the worst six years of my life.
