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The problem was, what choice was I going to make. Hard as I tried, none of the decisions were easy to make.
Another week passed, and my work performance hadn’t improved. I’d become depressed from thinking too hard, and my boss wasn’t going to be supportive of any more slacking at work.
I needed to come up with a solution. Emma suggested an abortion was the safest choice, but it didn’t sit right with me. A life was growing inside me, and I couldn’t do it.
I’d always been pro-choice. I wasn’t overly religious or anything, so my reluctance to get an abortion didn’t stem from my religious beliefs. Instead, I thought it bloomed from my loneliness.
Although I had my mother growing up, her presence wasn’t much of a comfort, and that feeling of empty loneliness only worsened after her death. When I found out I was pregnant, I got attached to the idea of having someone I could love and someone who could love me unconditionally.
Just like I’d always wanted.
I got back from work, showered, and sprawled on the L-shaped couch in my living room when my phone buzzed.
Em: Hey, babe! Sorry, I took a rain check from work today. I’m down with the flu. How are you?
Me: I’m sorry. Have you seen a doctor? P.S. I’ve made a decision.
Em: Got a few drugs over the counter. It’s nothing that serious. Great news! What did you decide?
I hesitated for a moment, my fingers hovering over my screen and my heart thudding in my ear. I thought of my decision again, inhaled deeply, then replied.
Me: I’m not getting rid of the baby.
Chapter 5 - Nikolai
“What’s up with you, man?” Vlad asked as he sat on the sofa across. He leaned back in his seat and crossed one of his legs over the other. “You look like you’ve just had your heart broken.”
I twisted my neck in time to see him smirk. It was hard to detect when he was joking and when he was being serious when that evil smirk had been his signature expression for years. He had it when he was about to put a bullet in a man’s head and even when he had his cock buried in a woman’s mouth.
I snorted, poured a finger of tequila, and pushed the glass to him. “I’d need to have a heart first to have my heart broken. Don’t you think so?”
He grinned and reached for his drink. “You act the toughest, brother, but you’re really the softest.”
“You’re mixing me up with Sergey, kid.”
He took a swig of his drink. “Trust me, I’m not. I can tell you’re thinking of a woman.”
I wasn’t certain about me being the softest Vadim brother, but I agreed my entire thought process was currently consumed by a woman. Not just any woman, though, it was Giselle.
She’d seemed like one of my many one-night stands, but it’d been a month, and still, I couldn’t get her out of my fucking mind. A knot formed in my throat as I admitted it to my brother. “You’re right, kiddo.”
“A woman. I see.” He chuckled and took another sip from his drink. “I know I said you’re a softie, but it’s unlike you to be drooling over a woman you fucked. Who is she?”
“The only thing I know is that her name’s Giselle, man.” I could find out anything I needed to know about her, but I hadn’t, hoping the weird fluttering in my chest would eventually go away.
“You remember her name. That means you’re fucked, brother.”
“Who’s fucked?” Maxim’s voice came from behind me. Sergey was standing beside him when I craned my neck to look at him.
Fuck, not Sergey.
It was a Friday night. My brothers always spent Friday night in any of our clubs Sergey chose, catching up with each other and discussing business. Before we took down Giovanni, Maxim and Vlad handled business on the city's outskirts. Sergey thought they were safer that way.
Things changed after Giovanni died, and they spent more time in Chicago. Tonight was meant to be for business because the Italians had been messing around our territories for over a month now.
That didn’t mean they wouldn’t dogpile me for thinking of Giselle if they found out.
“No one’s fucked,” I answered. Neither of us had heard the end of it since Sergey married Lilianna. He never shut up about how we needed to stop fucking around and settle down as if he was any better before he met her.
