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Our relationship had become a little better over the weeks. She no longer looked at me like I was a stranger, and she showed me little acts of kindness here and there. Like baking lemon cakes for dinner and making sure I had my cup of hot chocolate every morning.
“Good morning, Arina,” I greeted her with a smile. The other maids tensed whenever I came around, so I usually left with my coffee not to make them uncomfortable, but I decided not to.
I’d grown bored with Nikolai’s absence, and though no one could fill the deep longing I had for him, I figured it might help to be around other people. I hoped the maids would adjust to my presence soon if I tried to show them I meant no harm.
I walked to the kitchen island and sat on one of the stools there. “What are you making?”
“Chicken soup. Boss told me it helps your morning sickness.”
My stomach fluttered. “Nikolai did?”
Butterflies gained wings in my stomach. Nikolai was really considerate even when he pretended not to be.
She nodded. “Surprising, isn’t it? That a girl like you can melt the walls around the heart of a man like him.”
I ignored her subtle insult. “Yes, Arina. It does help my morning sickness.”
“You’re growing thinner. You should eat more.”
I huffed and sighed. “If only it were that easy. I don’t throw up, but it’s somehow hard to eat anything. I end up with really bad nausea.”
“The first trimesters are always like that. A horse won’t soothe your hunger in your third trimester.”
I cringed. “Have you ever been pregnant?”
“Twice. My boys work for your husband. One of them protects him, Mikhail.”
“Oh.” I leaned over the island, my interest piqued. “Mikhail is your son?”
“I was married once. Had him in the first year because my husband and I couldn’t get enough of each other.”
Her eyes were vacant and sad as if she’d lost herself in a heart-wrenching memory. “What happened to him?”
“He died in a war between the families years ago, and I never even got to see his body.”
“I’m sorry about that,” I muttered. From the way she described him, I knew she’d loved him. Maybe he’d loved her back as well, but I could tell she longed for him because that was how my mother sounded whenever she yearned for my father.
I felt sorry for her.
Arina shook her head. “Don’t feel sorry for me, child,” she said with a Russian accent. “I’ve loved deeply. It’s only nature that I lose too.”
“Still, it must be said waking up every morning, knowing the one you love no longer exists.”
“It used to be, but with age came peace of mind. It won’t be much longer before I meet him again.” She pinned me with her gaze. “You young people don’t appreciate life or love. You don’t know what you have until you lose it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve seen the way you look at him and I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I’m not blind,devochka. It’s not use hiding your feelings, you can’t escape them.”
I coughed from her outright accusation. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
A smile formed on her thin lips. “You’re really not easy to like.”
“Neither are you,” I retorted. “How long have you worked for the Vadims?”
“Since I was a girl. His grandfather and my father were friends.”
I must’ve gotten too comfortable. My curiosity clawed at me, and I considered stepping boundaries and asking Arina if she knew about Nikolai’s business.
