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“Aled is as far from a murderer as could be,” Jamie snapped, then forced himself to calm down. The more he got upset, even if his emotion was justified, the more Ronny would try to use that as a reason why he should be running Jamie’s life again.
Which, of course, could mean that as long as Jamie was dating Aled, Ronny would never leave him alone out of some sense that he needed to protect him.
The ghost of the idea that the only way he would be able to completely get rid of Ronny was to get rid of Aled as well whispered at him.
That thought made him catch his breath in all the worst ways. “I don’t know why I’m even having this conversation with you,” he said, shaking his head to clear the horrible thought. “And you don’t care about me,” he added. “You care about control, and you always saw me as easy to control. Even when we were kids.”
“I love you,” Ronny growled. “I always have. I’m tired of you refusing to see it.”
“Just as I’m tired of you mistaking control for love,” Jamie snapped back. “Yes, I loved you once, and at a time when you desperately needed it. But we grew apart, as people do. I got the professional help I needed, now I sincerely wish that you would seek that sort of help for yourself.”
“Don’t tell me how to live my life, boy,” Ronny came close to shouting. “You’re the one who—”
Jamie ended the call and drew in a shuddering breath before Ronny could draw him into his pain even more. And it hurt. It hurt to cut someone off who had shared such an important part of his life. They’d shared important parts of each other’s lives. But he had moved on while Ronny had gotten stuck where he was. That was why things hadn’t worked. That was why the control Ronny kept trying to foist on him stopped being what Jamie needed and started tipping over into abuse.
He needed to block Ronny from his life once and for all, but how was that possible without cutting off his life himself?
He was still leaning against the counter, trying to get his breathing under control, when a knock sounded at his apartment door. Jamie snapped his head up, his heart beating faster, but for all the right reasons this time.
He pushed away from the counter and went through to the main room to answer the door, then nearly embarrassed himself with emotion when Aled burst into a smile at the sight of him.
“Hey,” Aled said, all soft and loving, an overnight bag slung over his shoulder. A moment later, Aled’s smile turned into a concerned frown as he said, “What’s wrong?”
Jamie blinked, a little surprised. He’d thought he’d done a good job of hiding the effects of Ronny’s call. Then again, Aled was incredibly good at reading people, and Jamie probably hadn’t hid his upset as well as he’d hoped.
“Hey,” he said before answering. He leaned into Aled, hooking an arm around his waist and kissing him before drawing him into the flat. “I just got off the phone with Ronny.”
“Oh,” Aled said, taking a few steps into the apartment, then setting his bag down. He wasted no time in pulling Jamie into his arms completely and kissing him.
It wasn’t the quick kiss of greeting that Jamie had given him in the hall. It was firm and demanding. Aled slipped his tongue possessively into Jamie’s mouth and claimed him. His fingertips pressed into Jamie’s back, as if the pressure was an overture to the bruises and welts that would end up there. And God, did Jamie ever need those bruises now. Age and positions outside of the bedroom be damned. He slipped into the submissive role he craved so fast that he felt his knees begin to give way.
“Whoa. Something is definitely off,” Aled said, leaning back to look at him, but keeping Jamie firmly in his arms.
For a moment, Jamie just looked back at him, teetering on asking to put it all aside so he could just submit and be Aled’s slave for the weekend. But he’d never used kink as a way to hide from his problems, just as a balm to help him deal with them, and he wasn’t about to start now.
He sighed and stepped out of Aled’s hold, rubbing his forehead a little. “Ronny called to say he ran into you the other day on campus,” he said, glancing warily at Aled. “He claims to have told you everything.”
Aled let out a breath, and his shoulders dropped a little with it. “Did you used to self-harm?” he asked.
Heat rushed to Jamie’s face, both from shame and from anger. “Yes,” he answered honestly. “But I stopped when I was in my early twenties.”
Aled frowned. “Ronny took credit for stopping you. He acted like he’d saved you from yourself.”
Jamie winced. “He helped,” he said. “Until his help turned into hurt.”
Aled nodded slowly. “You know, I wish I could say I didn’t know what that means, but after everything I’ve been through, after everything Dawn and Jeremy have gone through, I hate to say that I get it.”
Jamie smiled and moved so that he could slide into Aled’s arms again. “I know you do. That’s why I feel so safe with you.” The truth of those words rang clearly as he spoke them, bringing his feelings for Aled into even sharper focus. No wonder they clicked so immediately.
Jamie kissed him, but Aled’s brow flew up before he could return the kiss. “If I didn’t know any better,” he said, “I would say that qualifies as an expression of deep love.”
“It’s deep something,” Jamie said, still flushed, his emotions a little too close to the edge. He wanted to get Ronny out of the way before he and Aled moved on to the main event of the weekend, so he asked, “What else did Ronny tell you?”
“That your parents disowned you,” Aled said, turning serious again, but with a certain softness that said he cared and he would be Jamie’s family, if he needed it.
Jamie nodded. “They did. They are old school. Very. And it hurt. But I’ve also been to therapy and continue to go for a top-up when I need it. I’ve made as much peace with them as I’m ever going to be able to make, seeing as they haven’t spoken to me in years and aren’t likely to anytime soon.
“Unfortunately, that just motivates Ronny to pursue me even more. Paradoxical though it may be, now that you’re in my life, it’s as if he’s twice as intent on reclaiming me. I don’t know how to make him stop.”
