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“Why couldn’t we stop him?” Dawn wept with more emotion, even though her sobs were subsiding. “Didn’t we love him enough to keep him and Mum safe?”
“You did,” Jamie said, taking over when Aled’s throat closed up. “I know you did. Dementia like that is cruel and subtle.” Jamie glanced up at Aled. “You all did the very best you could. It wasn’t up to any of you at that age to predict what would have happened or to stop it.”
Aled’s breath caught in his chest and his eyes stung. Was that what it was? All these years later, was he still punishing himself for not seeing the signs and doing something to stop his father?
The realization that he’d held himself responsible for all these years, irrationally and illogically, came like a rush of unwanted heat. But even as the emotion of that realization washed through him, the other part of him that had worked so hard and been through enough therapy to last a lifetime was happy to be able to let the pain go, now that he could see what it was.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Jamie said, looking straight at Aled and radiating love and strength. “It wasn’t your responsibility.”
Aled smiled weakly. If he didn’t still feel the need to keep both arms wrapped tightly around Dawn, he would have reached for Jamie to hold his hand or just touch him.
Jamie seemed to feel that need and rested his hand that wasn’t still stroking Dawn’s back on Aled’s leg. That made Aled smile even more in gratitude, but also with the feeling that Jamie wasn’t some random psychologist on the outside, he was a part of the family, a part of him.
“I know,” Dawn answered Jamie’s earlier statement, as if it had been for her, too, which it probably had been. “Most of the time I know. Most of the time it doesn’t hurt so much. But…anniversaries can fuck right off.”
Jamie laughed lightly, which made Dawn smile, even though she snuggled in tighter to Aled as she did.
“You’ll get through it,” Jamie said. “You have an amazing big brother to help you.” He smiled affectionately at Aled.
“And you,” Dawn said, sitting up a little. “I have you too, don’t I?”
Jamie smiled, but before he could answer, the door banged open above and the sound of heavy, hurried footsteps started down the stairs. That sent Dawn into a fright again, and she curled into Aled’s body and wailed.
Jamie stood and turned just as Ronny rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs and saw them. “What’s this?” he demanded. He stared right at Jamie with a look of triumph. “What are you doing, upsetting students like this?”
“That wasn’t what he was doing and you know it,” Aled shouted back at him, though it upset Dawn even more.
“Dawn was upset by a balloon popping,” Jamie told Ronny, somehow managing to maintain his calm voice. “Tomorrow is the anniversary of their parents’ death, so everything is a bit more sensitive at the moment.”
He tried to shoo Ronny away, but as Aled had already guessed, Ronny wasn’t going to stop until he got his own way.
“It looks to me as though you’re engaged in some sort of inappropriate meeting with a student on university property,” he said, smirking a bit too much. “Shall I inform Dr. Epstein and see what he thinks about the whole thing?”
“No,” Jamie said, starting to lose his temper with Ronny. “You will do nothing. A student is in distress, a friend, and now is not the time to throw a tantrum because you didn’t get what you wanted years ago.”
Ronny’s grin turned bitter. “We’ll just see about that.”
He turned and marched away, heading back up the stairs and making as much noise as he could in the process.
Jamie rubbed a hand over his face, knocking his glasses askew, and made a noise of frustration. Aled wanted to get up and rush to his rescue the way he’d rushed to Dawn’s, but Dawn still needed him.
“If he complains to the administration, I’ll speak up for you,” Aled said. It didn’t give him the sense of control that he wanted.
“Me too,” Dawn added in a small voice. “You’ve helped me so much. I don’t even know who that wanker is.”
Jamie smiled a little and let out a heavy breath. “I’ll handle it. In the meantime, why don’t you take Dawn home? I can come over later and make certain you’re all okay.”
Aled nodded. “Alright.”
Jamie sent him a last, loving look, then shook his head and started up the stairs to go after Ronny.
Aled gave it a few seconds, until the stairwell was quiet again, then he nudged Dawn so he could stand. “Come on,” he said. “I wouldn’t mind going home myself right now.”
“No,” Dawn said with a sudden intake of breath, gripping his upper arms. “I…I don’t want to go home. I’ve caused so much trouble for you. If you want to stay here and have dinner, or just be here with Jamie, I’ll stay too.”
Aled settled back against the wall and studied his sister. “Are you sure, love? It’s awfully noisy up there.” He was certain Dawn would be aware that her friends and everyone else knew she’d had an outburst as well. It took a hell of a lot of courage to walk back into a room after everyone knew you’d flipped out.
But Dawn nodded as she wiped her smeared face, which only made it worse. “I hate that I’m so much trouble for you,” she said. “And now I’m getting in the way of you and Jamie.”
