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I hear Kian then. He is hard to miss. His body is so big that he certainly disturbs the environment around him whenever he moves.
He is moving around, and a smile stretches over my face as I think about our night together.
But the smile fades when I realize that it is all just temporary.
He has made me very happy, but the truth is, we do not have a lot of time together.
And it doesn’t matter how he feels about me. Once he recovers his memories and remembers his family, I won’t be a priority any longer.
He will need to go to them. He will need to be with them.
He’ll recover his memories, and I’ll be stuck without him and all the memories he’ll leave behind.
The irony of it doesn’t escape me, and I get up and find my clothes. As I pull my clothes on, I wonder how much it will hurt.
Because I know it will hurt.
I care about Kian, and I have stupidly grown attached to him.
How much will it hurt to let go of him? How much will it hurt to never see him again? How much will it hurt to lose a member of the pack?
When I leave the little space where we spent the night, Kian is nowhere to be seen.
We remained close to the waterfall for the night, but I am sure he returned to the camp.
He knew that I needed time to sleep,I think gratefully to myself.
Sharp, stinging tears prickle in my eyes then, and I wipe them away angrily.
You can deal with this! You can handle him leaving! It won’t be the end of the world! You’re used to being alone!
I follow the trail back to the camp. When I arrive, Kian is playing with some of the wolves.
I stop in my tracks as I stare at him. He has truly become part of the pack.
I let out a gasp as sudden pain streaks through my chest.
What are you going to do after last night? How are you going to lose him? How are you going to go back to being alone?
I try to make plans for after Kian leaves. I tell myself that maybe I’ll go stay with the settlement for a while.
I can tell the pack that I am sick. They know they cannot take care of me the way I take care of them.
They won’t begrudge me time away from them.
But I know it won’t work.
Nothing will help me get past Kian leaving.
Nothing will help me move on from his disappearance from my life.
19
AMARA
At first, I can’t believe what I’m watching.
I’m surprised enough to find that Kian has left the house on his own. I do not worry too much, knowing he cannot be far. But I do wonder what challenges he has gone off to face, what weapon he is yielding, what purpose he has given himself this morning.
