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“No, it’s okay,” I say quickly. “I don’t mind anyone knowing who I am. Who I was. And I’d welcome any advice you have.”
“Well.” Julie hands me a mug of warm, bitter liquid which warms my body steadily as I sip from the mug. “I wasn’t living in complete solitude like you were,” she says and gives me a bright smile. “I lived in a human settlement. I had no contact with orcs. But even though I was surrounded by my own people, I was alone all the time.”
That might be worse than just not being surrounded by people,I think to myself.Being around people and still feeling alone.
“I was kind of shunned by the other humans in my settlement. I got used to fending for myself. I got used to having no friends. I got used to having conversations with myself, with the walls, with even the trees, just so that I didn’t go crazy.”
A laugh escapes me as I remember speaking with the trees and the spirits that dwelled in the little clearing with me.
I sigh as I contemplate everything that Julie has said.
“I don’t know,” I murmur uncertainly. “The thing is, I don’t think I’ve ever realized how alone I was. I mean, I wasn’t alone. I had the pack, and they took care of me, and I took care of them. But it’s not the same, you know. Wolves are wild animals, and while I managed to get a lot of them to live in a more civilized manner, that won’t stop a group of them from walking off for days to hunt or just be themselves.”
Julie nods at me, still sympathetic. For a second, my anxiety over settling in with the clan’s camp disappears.
I have someone who understands.My thoughts are relieved as Julie continues speaking.
“I think what you’re saying is, you were close to the pack, but there was always a barrier between you?” Julie asks me, with actual curiosity in her voice.
I consider this for a moment.
“Ye-es,” I say slowly. “It’s complicated. There are no barriers between myself and Alfa and Safira. I mean, Alfa is my best friend. But she is still a wild animal. My eternal fear has always been that those wolves I love the most will give over to their true natures, their feral selves, first and last one day.”
Julie comes over to me and places an arm around my shoulder.
“Enough sad talk,” she says. “Time to plan this mating ceremony.”
I can’t help but brighten up at her words. I have been at the camp for a week and three days. And in four days’ time, I will officially be mating with Kian.
“I’ve literally been living under a rock for so long, I didn’t realize that there were orc ceremonies for these kinds of things,” I say.
Julie laughs as she sits back down at the other end of the table and starts cutting some fabric.
“I know that humans have ceremonies, but I’ve only heard about them in passing, and I’ve never attended one,” I continue.
“You’d never think that a species like the orcs would have one, right?” Julie says wryly.
We both burst into laughter as we prepare the dress I will be wearing.
“You’ll be mated by a shaman, and you’ll both present offerings to the War God, who is important to orcs, although Uli does not really live by the rules of the War God.”
Julie goes on to explain the rest of the ceremony specifics until my dress is finished.
It is a pale pink and form-fitting and contours perfectly to my body. I have never really thought about clothing before, but Julie insisted on doing this for me.
Every new thing we do to prepare for the mating ceremony tells me how important this will be for Kian.
I might be anxious here. I might find it difficult to settle in. But I cannot wait to commit to Kian for life. I’ll do what it takes to be with him.
* * *
Things are betteron the day of the mating ceremony.
The pack has settled in now that they’ve spent an extended period of time with the orcs, and the orc children love them.
They also wander off whenever they want to, sometimes leaving for days, but they always come back.
I think the time and space away from the clan and camp itself has helped them acclimate even faster.
