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And The Mother warned me that the police are the baddest men of all.
Tears fill my eyes as I look at Cam, who is staring at traffic with a bored look, eyes unfocused, face slack. Even when he looks like this, impenetrable and cold, I want him. Desperation tugs at my chest and the shame I feel, the rot I hate that destroys me from within, feels different this time.
I can choose differently.
I can shape my own fate.
A clicking sound at the pump makes me look at the display, the numbers underneath the video of Makiah Rooney slowing down. An impulse rips through me, as unable to resist as Cam.
Growling, Winnie’s attention is focused on a small squirrel, the little beast next to the dumpster to the side of the mini-mart.
Just like that, I have a plan.
I hug Winnie. My lips go to her ear, and I whisper, “Sorry, girl. I’msosorry. But I must do it this way. You understand.”
Cam is bent over the pump, clicking the nozzle into place, his head dipped low enough that I barely see the top of his hair. I know from watching Rudy that you slip a credit card into a slot and enter some numbers on a keypad before filling the gas tank, but I don’t know more than that.
All I do know is that my chance is now.
Carefully, hating myself, I set Winnie down. The second my hands release her body, she races across the parking lot toward the squirrel.
“NO! WINNIE!” I shriek, Cam’s head popping up, giving me a look that tears me in two.
“What’s wrong?”
“WINNIE!” I scream, racing after her, people looking at me as I run. My little doggie practically reads my mind as she goes straight for the dumpster, headed in the same direction I need to go.
To escape.
I’m using Winnie as a diversion so I can run. Relying on Cam’s goodness as a dog owner not to hurt her after I’m gone is all I can do now.
I hear footsteps behind me, hard breathing, and I turn back to see Cam is on my heels. The squirrel runs off to the left, around the dumpster, Winnie barking and following. I pretend to lose my footing, and Cam runs past me, three men and a young teenage girl right behind him.
Go, my mind screams.RUN!
I pivot on my foot and leap up, racing as fast as I can around the back of the gas station, my chest as big as the Grand Canyon, my mind a blur of running water. I am nothing but white water rapids, pushed by a force I cannot name as I run between cars, the parking lot as big as the ocean, a large picture of Makiah Rooney guiding me to him.
To his sanctuary.
To his peaceful presence.
Of all the people in the world, he will know what to do. He will tell me the truth. He will discern reality from trickery.
Honest men like him are so rare.
Devoted to the Prophecy, he serves me. Serves humanity. Servesdecency.
Cam is indecent.
So am I.
If anyone can help me atone, it is Makiah Rooney.
I need to find a way to rid myself of all this impurity. He will know the way. He will help me find the light again.
He and he alone.
Blood pumps hard against my ears, my own breath a hushed sound in my head, my legs beginning to ache, lungs on fire, but I cannot stop running, moving between lines of cars. Cannot hesitate – not even for a second.
