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“ -- and they...abused me like that.”
She nods once, slowly, a form of praise that I wish I could absorb.
“And doing it while I couldn’t fight back, after forcing me to watch them defile my girlfriend is a career ender in my field.” I have to change the subject. Deflect. Disengage. Talk about anything but me.
“Which worries you more? Losing Lindsay or losing your reputation and business?”
I snort. “I don’t need my business. Between my inheritance after Mom and Dad died and some side work I could always have, I’m fine financially.”
“So it’s losing Lindsay that terrifies you.”
“I wouldn’t say terrifies.”
She doesn’t respond.
Terrify. Fuck that. I’m not terrified at the thought that Lindsay would find out about what those fucking beasts did. I’m not.
“Drew. You were hospitalized for weeks as a result of the damage they inflicted on you.”
I start to shake. It comes from within, vibrating out of my ribs, feeding into my arms and legs.
I can’t control it.
I can’t control anything.
“You’ve been so focused on Lindsay and her trauma that I think we need to process your view of her reaction. When she finds out -- ”
“She’ll only find out if I tell her.”
And hell, no, I’m not telling her.
“When you’re ready, that will be a major step toward healing. For both of you.”
My eyes go unfocused. The shaking doesn’t stop. Rage stored in my bones tries to work its way out. When I first started coming to see Salma, I needed to run out of the room. I felt too raw, too exposed, to be around her. She tolerated it. Encouraged me to leave and compose myself.
Took months to feel safe.
Took nearly two years to be done.
Here I am, back in the same place.
But different.
Does Lindsay feel like this? Home for a week, already mired in scandal. Except this time, I’m the source of the scandal. Those assholes set me up, and now Harry’s listening to all the wrong advisers.
For all the “right” reasons.
“I don’t have time for the emotional fallout of having what happened to me revealed to Lindsay. It’s another complicating factor. Right now, there’s already too much going on. Her safety is paramount. Sifting through the past has to wait.”
“Sifting through the past may be the most important way you can keep her safe, Drew.”
I close my eyes again.
Damn it.
Now I remember why I kept coming back to Salma.
Because she’s right.
