AllFreeNovel
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In more ways than one, I’m still nineteen inside.
“Right. let’s go.”
Mickey’s Bar is about as classic Irish dive bar as you can get, with green Boston Celtics jerseys and signs everywhere. The bartender gives us a wave and we sit down in a booth. Jane orders for me, because I am apparently too stupid to know how to do this, and a plate of fried bar food arrives along with two mixed drinks.
“What’s this?”
“Cheesy french fries with bacon,” she jokes, pulling one fry off the pile of fat and dairy fun, the cheese stretching out in a long string she finally has to break with her fingers.
“Ha ha. I meant the drink.”
“It’s a Cosmo. Cranberry juice and vodka. Give it a try.”
I haven’t had alcohol in four years. I don’t confess that to her. I just take a sip.
It transports me, instantly, back to that night.
Fighting the shaking fear inside me that can’t distinguish between the past and the present, I chew my food. It tastes like gravel. Bacon and cheese-covered gravel. I swallow, then take another sip of the drink.
Jane is about to open her mouth and say something when she frowns, then looks to the side.
“Is that the same guy from the coffee shop? Is he following us?”
I turn to look.
“Don’t look! Don’t make it obvious.”
But I know exactly who she’s talking about, and I don’t care if it’s obvious.
“That’s Silas. My ‘chauffeur.’” I use finger quotes.
Jane looks at him overtly now. She lets out a sound of admiration. “He can drive me any time.”
“Jane!”
“What? He’s hot.” She sighs. “I haven’t had sex in a year, Lindsay. Not with anyone other than myself, I mean.”
I’m not sure I can handle this conversation. I’ve had my share of girl talk. Just...not in four years.
My silence hangs between us. I drink most of my Cosmo, then pick at a fry.
Jane suddenly says, “I did it again, didn’t I? Insert foot in mouth. I’m sorry, Lindsay. I shouldn’t joke about sex.”
“Why not?”
“Because...because you...”
“Haven’t had sex, ever?”
Jane looks like someone hit her in the face with a frying pan.
“What?”
“What those guys did to me wasn’t sex. It was rape. And until that happened, I was a virgin.”
“You and Drew never...”
“We, um, played. You know. Did stuff.” The alcohol is making it easier to talk about this. I want to talk about this. Need to talk about this. This is what normal people in their early twenties do, right? This is what I did four years ago. I sat around with my female friends and talked about sex.
