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Instead, he is standing in Adam’s hallway. The family liaison officer chatters away next to him. He hates this woman and what she represents. That he is now a victim. Told only what they decide: the palatable soundbites they think he’ll be able to cope with.
“Go away,” he says under his breath. Then louder: “Go away.”
The woman turns to look at him, paused in the middle of her sentence. “But Jamie …”
“Go. Away.”
He wants to shout it, scream in her face. Take all of his anger and frustration and red-hot, burning rage out on her. But she’s only doing her job, and he’s still a nice guy, despite all this, so he says it quietly but firmly, and she gets the message.
“You have my number,” she says as she closes the front door with a click.
Jamie stands still in the hallway. He closes his eyes for a second, feels the blood pulsing in his veins, his heart pumping it around. But he is as empty as Pippa was. As drained. As broken.
He knows he needs to go to bed, but he doesn’t dare. Sleep only brings the morning, when he wakes and must remember all over again what has happened.
He needs to call Pippa’s parents. There is a funeral to plan, but when? When will they release the body? He can’t bear their grief, their mourning on top of his own.
For now, he drops his coat on the carpet and walks through into Adam’s living room. It’s minimal, few belongings and little decorative flair. None of the touches that make it a home. No photographs, no artwork on the walls, no books or records or love. He used to see Adam as lucky, a man free to come and go as he pleased. Adam’s lack of distractions led to a career that was flourishing, while his was stuck. But for the first time, he sees it as it is: the home of a man with nothing in his life but work. A lonely guy, who doesn’t have the energy or the inclination or the pride to put down roots.
And where has it got him, this career? Not so he could save Pippa. The one thing that mattered. She was murdered under Adam’s watch.
He feels a wave of anger, a flood of emotion that’s quickly joined by the devastating sorrow that’s been threatening to consume him since he found Pippa’s body. The weight of it crushes him, and he crouches in the middle of Adam’s living room. His hands over his face, raking at his hair. His knees up to his chest. A noise comes out of him, a wail, a howl of grief in the darkness.
He feels like it’s going to kill him. That he can’t breathe, can’t live, can’t survive without her.
And he sobs, alone, curled up in a ball on the living room floor of his best friend. The man who’d let his wife die.
Department of Clinical Psychology—Patient Report
Name of Patient: Catherine Sutton (DOB: 06/05/77, age 18)
Consultation date: November 28, 1995
Catherine has been referred to the Department of Clinical Psychology following admission to hospital after a recent traumatic event. There are no ongoing physical medical diagnoses; she has been receiving treatment solely for malnutrition and dehydration after initial assessment in the Accident and Emergency Department. Catherine is due to be discharged, pending psychiatric and psychological review.
History
Police investigations are ongoing, but detectives from Operation Hursley have disclosed Catherine was found as the sole survivor after a period of forced imprisonment, as well as possible sexual assault and torture. Four other women were killed, and Catherine may have been a witness to these crimes.
Current Situation
Catherine was reluctant to talk at first, avoiding eye contact and attempts at building rapport, sitting in silence for the first two sessions. In the third meeting, Catherine started to open up, talking about her past and disclosing that before her kidnapping, she was homeless, surviving through begging and prostitution. Based on notes from her medical assessment on admission, a drug addiction may have been likely, although Catherine has not confirmed this. She is not showing any signs of withdrawal.
Catherine generally talks with little emotion, with a flat affect, showing signs of psychological numbing. She discussed insomnia and feelings of loneliness, guilt, helplessness, and isolation. She mentioned she has little to live for “now it is over.” When I asked questions directing her to think about her future, she shook her head repeatedly, as if refusing to consider this likelihood.
Contrary to expectation, she was openly hostile toward the police and solicitors when discussing the investigation, growing agitated and angry. She asked about the suspect, but the knowledge that he was in prison only worsened her distress, culminating in a panic attack requiring pharmaceutical intervention. She maintains she will not testify at the trial and will not meet with the CPS.
Clinical Formulation
In my opinion, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) would be the primary diagnosis at this time, with secondary depression (including suicidal ideation) and panic disorder.
Additionally, as the sole surviving victim, Catherine is subject to “survivor syndrome” from having endured the trauma where others have perished. This could result in strong feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and social withdrawal, thus compounding her depression.
Risks
Catherine has no support network or family, so nowhere to live on discharge from hospital. Without this support, there is a risk she will end up back on the streets, with a strong likelihood she will take her own life.
In addition, exposing Catherine to further trauma by forcing her to testify at the trial will only compound her anxiety and panic, and is strongly opposed.
