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“I didn’t plan to be. Wanted to be anything but, in fact. But medicine makes sense. The science, how the body works. Nothing fascinates me more than human biology. Still does. And, like you, I wanted to make a difference to people. Make things better rather than worse.”
He smiled. It was a broad grin and changed his whole face. “Well, you made a difference to me today, Dr. Cole,” he said. “Do you want another?” he asked, pointing to their now-empty coffee mugs.
She returned the smile. “Yes,” she said, “but let me get them, it’s my turn.”
* * *
She found herself staying with him for hours. Drinking coffee until her hands shook, but she couldn’t tear herself away from this guy. No one had caught her attention like Adam. She’d had boyfriends, interest from men around the hospital, but doctors were a particular breed. Smart, and they knew it. The upmanship was tiring, the entitlement exhausting. But here was this man, sharing his deepest worries with her, and they’d only met minutes before. It wasn’t just the medical stuff. He talked about his childhood, how being ill so young had affected him and how his relationship with his parents hadn’t been the same since.
She knew about dysfunctional relationships with parents. But she didn’t tell him that. Not then. But she had later. And he’d taken it in his stride. He knew the case—everyone did—so she didn’t have to explain.
Eventually, in that coffee shop in the hospital, she had to tear herself away.
“I can’t possibly drink another coffee,” she said, laughing.
“Can I see you again?” he said. Then he looked worried. “It’s not against the rules, is it? I mean, you’re not my doctor or anything.”
She shook her head. “No, I’m not your doctor. And I’d love to.”
And that was it. They went out, and he was exactly the same. They talked, laughed, shared stuff about each other that she wouldn’t have thought possible on a first date. They kissed, and how she loved kissing him—and the rest.
She had hints, of course. When she went out with him and his workmates for the first time, she’d stood back for a moment, watching. Around them he was more brash. He swore more, laughed louder.
“Who was that guy?” she asked later in the car. “Where did my Adam go?”
“It’s still me,” he said. “But what do you expect me to say around these guys? It’s not the sort of place where you pour your heart out every five seconds.” He reached for her, then. “I can be myself with you,” he said. “Only you.”
But slowly that Adam took over. He shared less; it was like a wall went up. Slowly, brick by brick, until she hardly recognized the man she shared a house with. She felt him pull away, until … well. Romilly knew the rest. A brief moment of weakness, and it was over.
* * *
Thinking about it now, it seems ridiculous. Adam is the same man he was then, just one with problems, issues she’d made no effort to help with. She rests her head on his chest. She can hear the faint thud of his heartbeat, and she resolves never to let that happen again. He traces a line over her hip, then across the curve of her stomach. For a moment she imagines him doing the same with a pregnant belly, a body bulging with life. In a normal world.
“I should have never left you,” he murmurs.
“Hmm?” She lifts her head and looks up at him.
“I shouldn’t have walked out. I should have fought harder for us.”
He lies back and absentmindedly wraps a strand of her hair around his finger.
“But who knows what might have happened then,” she replies. “Maybe we needed some space, and you would always come back to me.”
“Maybe.” He pauses. “So what happens now?” he asks quietly.
“I want to be with you, Adam.”
“But what about your boyfriend?”
She takes a long breath in. But the answer is easy. “It’s over. He knows it, or he wouldn’t have left already. But I’ll need to … talk to him. I don’t know. It’ll take some time. But it’ll be okay.” She stops. “What about you?”
He doesn’t answer, and she looks up. He’s smiling. “What about me?” he says.
She hits him gently on his chest. “Don’t fuck around, Bishop. Are you staying?”
This time he doesn’t hesitate. “Yes. Forever. I’ll never leave.”
“But what happens now, with your work?”
