AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“But you obviously got used to it because you stayed for quite a while.”
“Yeah, it felt good to do hard, honest work and to actually see how I was making a difference. Making change. Listen, I don’t want to make you think everyone got along and it was some perfect place. It wasn’t. I mean, we had our differences among the volunteers, and the community didn’t always see eye to eye. But what really stuck out was how they would listen to each other, try to find a common ground. And sometimes, some people were open and respectful enough to be persuaded to the other side. There was mutual respect. No wasting time being angry. It doesn’t achieve anything. I just don’t see the point.”
“I never would’ve taken you for a Zen master.” Her tone is light but gaze intent.
“A Zen master? Hardly. Look, I’m not perfect. I have my off days. I can be grumpy just like the next person. We all have baggage in our lives. Stuff that’s hard or sad or downright ugly. And when someone’s in a dark or angry place, more times than not, it has nothing to do with you. And most importantly, we don’t have to pick up their shit.”
“So you kill ’em with kindness?”
“Sometimes. All I’m trying to say is I don’t know what you’re going through, but I can see you’re struggling with something. I don’t have to add to it by fighting fire with fire.”
My phone pings with a notification, and Leighton spins toward the door like someone’s just pulled the fire alarm. “If that’s the food, I’ll get it.”
I finally look down at my phone. “Yeah, it is, but I can—”
Before I can say more, she’s out the door.
9
LEIGHTON
Head pounding, face puffy, and eyes red from the sleeping pill I took the night before, I stumble out of bed and head for the shower. After a nice dinner with Tom, I came back to the room, feeling better despite how awful I’d been to him. It felt good to talk, and I left thinking things would be better between us.
I’d deliberately left my phone in the room, but upon my return, I was faced with several messages and texts from my mother. All on my father’s behalf, and each one more threatening than the last. I’m to call her. My father says I need to get home as soon as possible. Truthfully, as much as I didn’t want it to, it hurt to think what life would be like if my father would put even a tenth of the effort he consumes in controlling me into understanding me instead.
And my mother. Well, I hate to think it, but she’s a lost cause. Nothing but my father matters to her.
I then put my phone on do not disturb and fired off a text to Lois. First, I apologized for my behavior. I’d have preferred to do it in person, and would, but it was late in Toronto, the middle of the night, and waiting would make my apology an afterthought.
Tom’s words had sunk in. I didn’t need to be rude and thoughtless to Lois even if she was doing my father’s bidding. Sure, it felt good to unleash some of my anger and hurt even if she wasn’t the person who deserved it, but it was wrong and made me no better than my father.
I also asked Lois to make sure our place in Vail would be ready for my arrival. That’s why my father chose that stop. Annually, we visited the upscale ski town where we have a vacation home.
After a brief conversation with Fallon, where I evaded any talk about my life or Tom—the woman is obsessed with him and I don’t like it for reasons I don’t want to think about—I gave in and took a sleeping pill. I’ve tried really hard not to use them or depend on them, but last night was one of those nights where my mind raced and I became increasingly agitated.
Although the talk with Tom went well, it also prompted me to replay the countless moments where I’d acted less than kind or respectful of another person. I was dissecting my behavior and coming up short.
Talk about being disgusted with myself. I’m ashamed to think that even though I want to help people, I do this to decent people like Tom. I need to do better. Icando better.
Like Doctor Hemming suggested, I then spent some time reflecting on my behavior, using some of the techniques I’d learned in therapy to combat my anxiety, and while I felt better, I ended up taking a sleeping pill to make sure I got the rest I would need.
Now a new day, I make a point of being ready when Tom knocks on my door at a little past nine. During dinner, we’d agreed on when to hit the road. Today’s drive is a little more than four hours.
My smile is big and warm, I hope. “Good morning.” I thrust a coffee at him. “I wasn’t sure how you like it. Sugar, cream, and milk are over there.”
His eyes round in surprise. “Uh, thanks and good morning to you.”
He saunters over to the dresser and I follow, my insides suddenly teeming with butterflies. “Did you sleep okay?”
I push down on the mattress to expend some of this nervous energy I have at laying eyes on him this morning. “The bed was actually comfy.”
He pauses in spooning sugar into his coffee to look at me through the mirror over the dresser. “Yeah. I had a good night’s sleep. Are you sure you did?”
He pivots to face me, and it’s evident he has more to say but he doesn’t.
I awkwardly curl a few strands behind my ear, now self-conscious. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look tired.” He sips his coffee.
