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Mom, I’m going to befine. I’m not a helpless little girl. I can pick my child up from school without having a meltdown. I’ve done it countless times; it’s not my first time,” I say, exasperated, as she stands in the living room with her suitcase by her feet.
“I know you can, but you haven’t had to deal with something like this before. Shay said she would rework her schedule at the garage. Things could run smoothly as usual. No disruptions for anyone.”
“Picking up Jacob from school is not a disruption in my life. It’s what most parents do every day. I would love to do it myself if my schedule permitted. He’s not Shay’s child; he’s mine.”
“I’m looking out for you.”
“I know. I’m grateful for your help and concern. But I think by now I’ve proven I can handle the hard stuff. Believe in me.”
“Honey, I do. I do. It’s hard for me to see you hurt. To potentially have the grandbaby I love dearly, potentially hurt. I just wish I could keep you guys in a bubble. Safe.” She fans her eyes.
“Mom, don’t cry. We’re fine. You can go on your mission trip with the church. Please, go where your help is needed the most. We will be here when you get back.”
“I’m going to call every day.”
“I know.” I sigh.
“Don’t get mad at me. I’m going to want to speak to my grandbaby, too.”
“I know you will.” I smile. “What about Shay? Are you not going to check in with her too?”
“Oh, please. You are going to have to check in with me after that conversation. I love both of you girls equally, but Shay is the reason half my head is gray. I like to slow the process by not knowing what she’s actually up to every day.”
I laugh and give her a hug, walking her to the door, picking up her suitcase before she changes her mind.
“Make sure you water my plants in the front once a day. Change Ms. Whiskers’ litter box twice a day. You know she can’t go if it’s not changed regularly. She’s particular about cleanliness, God bless her little cat heart.”
“I know, Mom. We go through this every time you go away.”
“See you when I get back. Love you.”
“Love you.”
I blow out a long, slow breath, turning all three locks on the door. I’ve gotten better. There was a time when I had to have six locks. I’d double-check them twice at night. With much therapy, and not wanting Jacob to grow up paranoid, I learned to stop that and get rid of a few locks. I think maybe it’s time I get rid of one or two more. One is good enough. I’ve made tremendous strides.
Mom and Shay worry too much about me and Jacob—especially me. They should know by now that I’m not easily broken. With their help, I’ve conquered a lot, but they can’t be there for everything. There are things I need to face head-on, by myself. One of those things is Landon. It’s hard seeing him. All the bad things rise back up, but at the same time, there is so much good.
His eyes on me used to send the warmest rush racing through me. The slightest touch of his hand against mind would send a flutter to my heart. He loved me. This I know. He also left me when I needed him the most. He was supposed to be my rock and then he wasn’t. I sank so far into the depths of despair, loathing myself for being weak. In those times, I would relive the happy moments, the ones he couldn’t take away from me like he took away so many things, including Landon. Things that made me smile. My little rays of light in my darkened hours.
I can’t believe he’s myboyfriend. Here I am, Lacey McQueen, high school senior, sitting in the corner at the end of a bar, of all places. If my mother finds out she will kill me. I’m doing my homework, waiting for Landon Jessup, my boyfriend, to finish his shift, just so he can spend a little time with me. Me. Walking me home.
Hearts all over my school would be breaking if they knew he was with me. That is, if I was the bragging type. I’m content knowing he’s mine. Enough people know about us to satisfy my need to shout it through the streets.
I look up from the page in my calculus book. I can’t concentrate, ‘cause I’ve been checking my own boyfriend out for the past twenty minutes. I smile, watching his muscles flexing as he wipes down the bar. It’s going to be the cleanest, blindingly shining top there ever was. I stop smiling when I see a girl walk up behind him. Blonde, big boobs, cut-offs, and a T-shirt which I doubt could fit over two of my fingers.
With a low raspy voice, she says, “Bye, Landon. I’ll see you later, I’ll save a special dance for you.” She runs her hand across his shoulders.
He turns to her, saying something I can’t hear, but I see the sides of her lips turn down. She looks at him, shakes her head, and leaves. I wonder what that was about? This is the problem with dating a guy out of your league— Jealousy sinks in at the slightest provocation. I may be young, but that was a come-on if I’ve ever seen one. Attached with an invitation, I’m sure, for the things she is skilled at doing that I’m not, because I’m a high school girl dating a college guy that’s out of my league.
He looks over at me, smiling. I put a half-hearted smile back on my face and look down at my book, as if I could concentrate on whatever the hell is on the page. All my mind is going to accomplish is worrying about what was said between them, and wondering how well they know each other. Argh!
As soon as his shift is over, with absolutely no homework done, the first thing I say to him is, “Why was that girl looking at you like that, stroking your shoulder?”
I wish the way I said it sounded angrier. Instead it sounded like, “Could you past the mustard please?” I can’t even do angry, jealous girlfriend right. Damn my mother. This is her fault, for telling me to mind my manners. Proper ladies don’t raise their voice or make a scene in public. I should take a page out of Shay’s book of “I don’t give a damn.”
He sits next to me on a stool at the bar. He doesn’t say much of anything, just stares at me, then bestows on me the smile that does funny little fluttery things to my heart. “That’s Maxi.”
“Hmm.” I turn my head, close my book, cap my pen and go about putting my things in my book bag.
