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Sam, I’m going on break.”
“Are you all right? The past few days you seem distracted. You want to talk about something?”
I place my pad on the counter and wipe my hand on my apron. The last thing I want is to be distracted at work, having people worried about me. “Thanks, Sam, I’m just going through a rough patch. I’ll pull it together soon. I’m sorry if it’s affecting my work. I won’t let it happen anymore.”
“You’re great at your job. I’m worried about you. If you need to talk, let me know.”
“I will. Thanks for not yelling at me when I screwed up those orders yesterday and today. It won’t happen again.”
“If anyone screamed at you in front of me, I’d rip them a new asshole, including myself.” He smiles.
I laugh. “That would be something to see.”
“Get on your break and take as long as you need. Looks like you might need it. Your guy’s out there, waiting on you.”
I take a deep breath but don’t turn. I knew he would eventually come. “How long has he been there?”
“About an hour. I figured he was the cause of your distractions. Give him hell for that. If you don’t come back in here with a smile, he’s going to have a pretty new asshole.”
“Oh, Sam.” I can’t help but laugh, through the sadness and uncertainty of what to do about our multifaceted, situation.
Outside, he’s standing tall and handsome as always. It all comes to me. The boy I fell in love with many years ago. The man he is today, who is kind, an amazing father to a little boy he truly adores, as I do mine. He will always be my idea of what I want in a man and relationship.
I know he’s all those things, because of the way he is with me and our children, but most of all, I’ve seen it with Bree. That’s what scares me the most. He has a wife, and I see and hear with my own eyes, there is something there with the woman that’s still his wife, as much as he denies it, and I’m afraid of what that is.
“Hi,” he says, pushing off the car. “You’re avoiding me.” His voice is low and deep, eyes on me every step I take.
“Not avoiding. I needed space. You spent a weekend with your—Bree. A family weekend, Landon. I said I would give this a try...I don’t know if this is going to work.” I cross my arms, looking away from his intense stare, waiting for him to say something, anything.
It’s like he’s trying to figure me out, examine me without words or questions. God, I hate the way that makes me feel, insecure and unsure. What the hell? “Did I get it wrong? Were you not on a romantic family weekend with your wife and son?” Nothing, and I’m more upset now than I have been in the past three days. “Tell me I’m wrong?” I snap.
His nostrils flare. He moves closer, towering over me. My breath catches, and I flinch. Purely reflex, because in my heart I know he would never hurt me physically. In that alone, I can put my trust.
There is a flash of regret across his face, and in the same instant his body posture changes, and he raises his hands up, palms facing me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I would never…”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t. If you knew, you would also know I wouldn’t hurt you in any other way. There was no romantic weekend, Lace. Why would you think I would do that?”
“You did. Tell me what Jackson said wasn’t true, and I’ll drop this.”
“Kids see things differently, Lace. You know this. Especially a kid who wants his parents back together more than anything.”
“I am so glad you said that. Because you’ve been in denial about it, instead of dealing with it. It’s making things worse instead of better.”
“I’ve been dealing with it. What would you have me do? How am I supposed to make this transition better for everyone? I’ve been doing my best.” He raises his voice.
Dammit, your best would be for you to move out of the fucking house you share with your wife. Your best would be for Jackson to see this divorce is going to happen, and Bree could see you are really moving on. Not half of you in one place and half in another, giving them hope. Giving me doubts if I made the right choice about us.
But I don’t say that, because these are things best realized by him. They just won’t seem the same coming from me. From me, it would seem more like I’m jealous and drawing a wedge between him and his son, which is the last thing I would ever do.
“Sometimes our best isn’t good enough, Landon.” Sometimes we need to go that extra mile and try harder for the ones we love. “It goes for me, too. My best is to protect my heart, and most of all, to protect my son from a broken one, from a string of broken promises, from feeling second best.”
“I didn’t tell you the entire truth because I knew it would upset you. I wasn’t going to spend the entire weekend, but after the anniversary party, Bree started crying. She didn’t want to tell her family at the family reunion that her marriage was ending, or at a celebration of long-lasting happiness for her parents. And Jackson was so happy. I wanted him to have a weekend when he wasn’t worried about his parents. He could be happy with his cousins, whose parents weren’t headed for divorce.
“I couldn’t disappoint him. They are my family, but so are you and Jacob. I want to make you both happy, but I want to make you happy in a different way. Lacey, with you everything is different; you’re a part of my future. You’re my now. I know I’m fucking up. I promise I’ll figure it out.”
“Before we can move on and go any further, you need to figure it out. You need to make a choice. Before we invest any more of ourselves, and the damage is so great there is no coming back. We’ve been down that road; I don’t intend on going back again for anyone. Our future now, or the past you had that you can’t seem to let go?” In simple terms, me or Bree.
