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Prologue
What the hell am I doing…putting all of us at risk. But what else am I supposed to do?
When did this become my life…and responsibility…I’m too young for this. But they only have me—we only have each other.
Those are the fucked random thoughts bouncing around my head non-stop as the music pumps through the speakers over me, around the room, as I’m squeezed in a tight, sequined, multi-color mini dress restricting my airflow along with the do-me-right-now, too damn high heels I’m wearing. All I want to do right this fucking minute is go home, but I know I can’t. It all depends on me.
Who else is going to save us…
So this is where I suck it up and dance with the guy whose hands are all over my body and pretend for all I’m worth like I’m having the time of my fucking life, and block everything out to get this done. The song on the speakers changes, shaking the club, and the crowded space on the dance floor turns into even more of a mess of sweaty writhing bodies, hands and limbs intertwined, with the smell of sweat and booze wafting off hot sticky bodies, jumping gyrating to the pulsing beat of Rihanna and Calvin Harris’s techno-infusedWe Found Love.
I’m right there with the masses, forgetting it all while I smile and laugh like I don’t have a care in the world. I knock back the last of my drink, sloshing some over the rim, on my way to just tipsy enough to get me through the night blotting out the guilt of what I have to do—what I’m about to do.
His hand glides through mine and I laugh, turning around in his arms. God, I don't even remember his name and I don’t even care. His hot breath against the side of my face, he shouts in my ear. “God, you’re sexy. You’re going to be fantastic. What do you say, Liz, ready to blow my mind?” he slurs and laughs, slapping my ass, making me feel like the cheapest, trashiest thing around.
I grit my teeth and smile, stifling the urge to pull my fist back, deck this asshole, and shout in this jerk's face, ‘My name is Lexi!’ Instead, I grudgingly keep playing along. “You have no idea. When I’m done, you won’t remember who you are. I’m going to blow every cell in your mind with pure pleasure.” I run my hand down the front of his sweat-soaked shirt, pretending I’m not going to be sick.
“Hell yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! Good shit isn’t cheap; let’s go.” He laughs too loud with the music grating on my nerves, and my emotions war inside me, for the part of me that goes dark every time I have to do this. But I push those thoughts back once again and push back the need for another drink as he grips my hand, leading me away from the crush of dancing bodies, through the crowd, and up the now familiar stairs leading to the room where I lose a piece of who I am. The door closes and the lock clicks.
“You ready, baby?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I lie, because really…what’s one more lie and dirty deed when I’ve already done so many to protect my family, the people I love.
One
LEXI
“Where is my umbrella?! Hello, is anyone listening to me?” I’ll take that as a no. “What’s new,” I mumble under my breath, slapping the three stooges’, also known as my kid brothers’, legs off the living room table where they’re engrossed in yet another marathon session of video games.
“Get out the way, Lex,” Drew hisses, his head moving to the side of my legs. “You’re going to let goofy kill my best man.”
“Lex, you’re always in the right spot at the right time for me, even better if you shift to your right.” Ryan nudges my leg to block Drew.
“Hey, knock it off or you’re going to be sorry!” Drew slaps Ryan on the back of the head, just missing Axel as he bounces on the couch between them with a controller in his little hands, then pushes me back to the other side.
“That’s it,” I yell over deafening loud music and gunfire, tired of being moved around like a ping-pong ball. I grab the controller out of Drew’s hand and hit pause.
“What the hell, Lexi?” Drew makes a grab for my hand, missing when I hold the controller over my head.
“Yeah, Lexi, what the hell?” Axel repeats as Ryan slumps back against the couch.
“What the hell nothing, Drew. I’m going to be late for work, again. It’s pouring down out there. The last time it rained I gave you my umbrella, like the time before that it rained and I gave you my raincoat. Stop ignoring me, find something to give me so I can get the hell out of your way.”
“I don’t know where that thing is.” He huffs, running his fingers through dark overgrown curls. “I swear the last time I saw it I threw it down over by the front door. Controller.” He holds his hand out.
“Not good enough, Drew. If I didn’t trip over it, someone must have seen it.”
“Does it matter, you’re getting in the car and driving anyway,” Ryan says.
“Not the damn point. You guys are so irresponsible sometimes. Why do I always have to be the responsible one?”
“Because you like being miserable?” The smallest of the group says, which sets Ryan and Drew off, laughing like hyenas.
If I wasn’t upset about never finding any of my things when I needed them, I’d probably be laughing too. This is my life, with two teenagers and a six-year-old. “Laugh it up.” I point to the three of them. “Retribution will be swift and unseen. Even for you, little cute one.” I lean over and kiss Axel’s forehead. I throw the controller at Drew, and he catches it with ease, which annoys me.
“Don’t be so salty, Lex. I’ll get you a new umbrella.” He hits the controller button restarting the game.
“Yeah, Lex, don’t be salty,” Axel repeats.
