AllFreeNovel
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“And how did—” Noah stops herself. “I’m sorry. That’s actually none of my business.”
“She had cancer,” I offer. “Found out in late November and she was gone by early January. It was fast and didn’t give us any time.”
Noah’s eyes pinch shut in the same way most people’s do, and she clenches her fists together. “If you’re trying to come up with something to say, there’s no need. Death is really fucking awkward and makes everyone uncomfortable. I guess that’s one thing we get to share in the human experience. Shame it’s such a depressing one.”
“You’ve had a few of these ‘what do I say’ moments?”
“A few is an understatement. People trip over themselves to tell you how sorry they are, remind you they’re praying for you, and then comment on how difficult this must be. Or, my personal favorite—when someone runs like hell to cross the street before they think you saw them. I’m a walking reminder everyone will be in my shoes one day, whether they want to or not.”
“Jesus. Can I do neither of those and just appreciate you sharing your story?”
“I love that choice.”
Digging up memories of Hannah—retelling our story to someone with no ties to us—is unexpectedly cathartic. Unrelenting sadness still sinks my heart into my stomach several times a day when Hannah crosses my mind, but tonight there’s also a sliver of joy. Mine and Hannah’s story didn’t end where I’d hoped, but my chapters are still being written.
I want to curl up on my couch and watch the most mindless, sappy romance I can find. Maggie’s spending the night at the farm with Claire and Rufus, and the emotional dinner with Noah zapped any other plans I had for the night. I pour a beer and settle in on the couch.
I’m startled awake by a tapping on my chest. My heart rate peaks before I discern the weight of my phone and jerk it off my chest to stop the full-body earthquake I’m experiencing. Shit—Noah’s calling.
“Everything okay?” I groggily mutter.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
“I’ve never talked with you on the phone,” I say, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
“Hmmm. You’re right. Want me to hang up and text you?”
“Please.”
She ignores me and continues. “I wanted to apologize again for being a bitch. I’m still mortified about the hurtful comment I made about Hannah.”
Noah’s a kind soul, and I doubt she has an intentionally mean bone in her body.
“I thought we were moving past this?”
“We are, but I keep thinking about how I would feel, and I’m pretty sure I’d hate you.”
“Isn’t that exactly how you felt when you thought I was being a man whore?” Noah sputters. “You good?” I ask.
“Yeah.” She pauses to catch her breath. “The ‘man whore’ comment was unexpected. Didn’t realize you’re as unfiltered as I am.”
I snicker. “I’m full of surprises. By the way, when are we getting the girls together again?”
“Soon—I need to check my project deadlines. Maybe I’ll host this time?”
“Noah, are you using a playdate as an excuse to get me over to your place? You can just ask.”
“Logan, don’t be such adude.”
I chuckle, and she adds, “I think giving you shit may be my new favorite hobby.”
I wait for a laugh, but she’s serious. Noah mentioned her mouth getting ahead of her brain being a problem, but I adore it. Her unfiltered thoughts feel so real. I get the impression they’re something she tries to fight, but I want to steal this side of her away and make sure she can never hide it from me.
That thought shoots shivers of guilt down my spine. My Hannah Heartbreak and the sweet satisfaction I feel when spending time with Noah tears at me. I wish there was a way to hold Hannah close, keeping her memory alive and sacred, while still letting my friendship with Noah play out however it’s meant to. The idea of being forced to choose one or the other saddens me. But there’s no choice to be made—it will always be Hannah for me.
Chapter 16
Noah
